Don't Call Me Baby

14 | THE GATHERING

There's only a day left until I fly over to California and I can't help but wish to get through it as quickly as possible.
I want to finally break free from all the mess that this city has brought upon me. Especially in the last week.

The same old 'blaming myself' technique that I've been using for the last eighteen years of my life has come back strong and with each second that I spend alone in my room, I feel more and more at fault. It's completely irrational, I know, but my brain functions in mysterious ways. I understand it's not on me that I got betrayed by my closest friend and by the boy I've been in love with for what seems like forever now, but instead of hating them, I hate myself.

When I look in the mirror, I see a sad, breakable girl who is just never enough. I'm not enough of a good friend for Stella so she never told me she also had feelings for Archer; maybe if I'd given her the chance to tell me what she felt, it would've been different now and we might still be laughing together in Bailey's.

If I had been good enough for Archer, maybe I would've had him way earlier than I did and maybe, just maybe we wouldn't have ended on bad terms, after all.

If I hadn't been this desperate to be loved by both of those people, maybe-

"Honey?" I hear my mom's voice from the other side of the door. I haven't left the safety of my bed for the last day and a half and I guess she's getting worried for me. I've never been this antisocial before. Instead of the usual rant about how I shouldn't care what everyone else thinks and how I shouldn't let myself break down over a stupid boy, she instead tells me something I never thought she'd say. "Archer wants to see you. He's downstairs. If you want to see him, he'll be waiting for you."

"Archer?" I croak out, realizing I haven't used my voice in far too long."As in Archer Finn?"

"Yes." My mom replies simply as if we are talking about my good old uncle Cal and not the guy who broke my heart. And who, by the way, she definitely hates.

"Mom, did you lure him in here so you could beat him up?"

I hear laughter on the other side of the door. "The boy has something to tell you, you'll regret it if you don't come down and talk to him. It's your last day here and I don't want you to have any regrets."

If my mom says I should go, then she's right. She is always right. So it takes no further words for me to be convinced to meet Archer one more time eye to eye. "I'll be down in five minutes." I simply say and I hear my mom's steps when she goes back to the living room.

"Alright. Jordan Blue you can do it!" I pep talk myself in front of the mirror but the horrendous state of my hair and the dark bags under my eyes aren't all that encouraging.

I take a few minutes to brush my teeth and try to detangle the mess on my head, and then comes the hard part.

Clothes.

When I said in the beginning that I'm no fashion diva, I definitely meant it. Fashion has never been my forte but for some reason I want to look good today. I want to show what Archer missed by being a stupid ass.

I go to my closed and look around, searching for something, anything, that is at least half more presentable than my usual style. The only thing I find is a strappy little black dress that is not even mine. It was my mom's and she gave it to me years ago, telling me I should wear it when I grow some boobs and have a special occasion to go to.

Unfortunately my quest to grow boobs failed miserably but I don't know if there will be any other more special moment to wear something this sexy than when I'm trying to make my ex regret letting me go.