Rivals (revised) Loki x reader lemon

Chapter 5

You had just finished straightening everything in the room and taken a seat in one of the plush chairs in the living area, when the door opened. As soon as the door shut, he transformed. He ignored you and made two drinks, handing you one. He sat down in the chair across from you, he looked exhausted. The two of you sat in silence, taking a sip of your drink every so often.
"Tell me y/n, did you miss me when I left?" Loki finally asked, after some time. You were confused and shocked by his question.
"What time?" you asked.
"When the bridge was broken and I disappeared, did you miss me?" he reiterated.
"Honestly, yes," you replied, after giving it some thought.
"Why?"
You looked at him. He stared straight ahead into the fire, that was burning bright. You couldn't read his face.
"Because we grew up together and even though we hate each other, it doesn't mean I didn't feel the emptiness of you not being around. Everyone felt it, Loki. Everyone mourned," you said.
It must've been what he wanted to hear because he closed his eyes and didn't say anything else. An hour or more passed by before you spoke again.
"Did you miss me?" you asked, after finally mustering up the courage.
He didn't move, he must have fallen asleep. You sighed and stood to put out the fire.
"No," he said. "You should go."
You could hear the sadness in his voice, but he had been stern at the same time. It had kind of bothered you that he hadn't missed you. You knew he hated you, but you would've at least thought he missed you a little. For some reason, you wanted to stay, not to be stubborn, but to comfort him. Something inside of you told you he was in pain and shouldn't be alone.
"Loki," you whispered. "Let me see."
You squatted down next to him. You reached out your hand, waiting for him to tell you no or grab your hand. He didn't do anything. Was he really going to let you see what he was thinking about? You touched his forehead.

You took in the scene around you. You were in the dungeons, you saw Loki, there in his cell. The cell they put him in after what he did on Midgard. A guard stood in front of him.
"The Allfather has denied your request," said the guard. You could see Loki was furious.
"Is Odin too much of a coward to come tell me himself? He denies me to see her one last time and he can't even be bothered to come tell me?!" Loki shouted at the guard.
They must have been talking about Frigga. You had always wondered why he hadn't been at the lighting ceremony.
"Would you like me to bring Odin this message?" the guard asked, monotone.
"Leave!" Loki yelled.
At that moment, everything in the cell went flying towards the guard, who didn't even flinch. Once the guard was out of sight, you turned back to look at Loki. You were now inside the cell and saw through his illusion.
He sat there on the floor. He was a mess. His knuckles were bloody from punching the wall, the wall itself was covered in his blood. His hair was in total disarray. His clothes hung looser than normal, you could tell he was starving himself. That theory was proved correct, when you saw the untouched breakfast on the other side of the room.
Your heart broke. You wouldn't wish this on your worst enemy, which just so happened to be him. You walked around, there were books on the floor. You picked it up, it was one of Frigga's favorites. You skimmed through the pages. Sentences no longer made sense, due to the fact that the ink had bled from water. Or tears. You couldn't handle this. Another quick glance around the room and you saw his knife. The one Frigga had given him. It was covered in blood as well. You looked at him, he was watching you. He revealed his left arm, covered in deep cuts with dried blood running down it.

You hadn't even realized you were crying, until you removed your hand from his forehead. He was watching you. You quickly wiped them away. You felt the heat rush into your cheeks from embarrassment.
"Why are you crying?" he asked. His voice was calm and soothing.
"You were in so much pain and no one cared," you replied.
You looked away. His fingers caught your chin and he made you look at him. He wiped away a tear that had escaped.
"Do not cry for me, y/n. Everything that has happened, including that, has happened for a reason. Has led me here," he said.
"To hiding behind another face?" you asked.
"You might not understand now, but maybe one day you will," he replied.
"Why do you blame yourself for her death?" you asked. He looked a little shocked by the question.
"Because I should've been up there with her. I should've been there to protect her, not locked away in a cell."
"It's not your fault. I mean it is your fault for being locked away in a cell, but not for her death. You know there's nothing you could've done that would have stopped her from protecting Jane."
He got up and walked over to the door, opening it. He wanted for you to leave.
"Loki-" you started.
"You have already over stayed your welcome. Please leave, before I get upset with you," he said, dryly.
You listened and got up to leave. You stopped and looked up at him, when you got to the door. Your eyes locked with his green ones, but just as quickly as it had happened, he ended it. He gave you a push out the door and promptly shut it after you. You stood there standing outside the door for a few minutes trying to process what just happened.