Phoenix Fire (Book 2 in the Winter's Series)

Chapter Four: A Long Conversation

"A...a shower..?" He repeats befuddled.

"Yes, a shower. So I don't stink anymore, I haven't showered in days. I mean look at my hair." He does and frowns upon seeing my heavily greasy hair.

"And I should let you use my shower, why?"

"Well for starters you could start trusting me because, despite killing me, I've done all I can to help you. I have plenty of reasons to throw you to the wolves but instead I've warned you. In addition to all of that, I've offered to help you regain your memories, despite your blatant disapproval. So I think I deserve a shower whether you want to believe my intentions or not. Besides, if it's an issue of trust, maybe you should give me some reasons to trust YOU. How do I know you want to throw me under the bus? How do I know you won't stab me in the back when times get tough? How do I know you-"

"Okay okay, that's enough I get your point. And for the record, I never said you should trust me. And I'm not going to tell you to. We'll talk some more after your shower. It's down the hall to the left." He says jerking his head to the side.

"Thank you." I say genuinely before walking down the hall and into the bathroom. It's small but it serves its purpose. I close the door and take my clothes off, grabbing a towel for when I'm finished. I turn the water on as hot as it will go and step in. The water burns my skin but at the same time, relaxes me. I close my eyes as memories replay in my head of my teammates. Steve looking at me as a team member, happy to see me safely returned to them. Sam being proud of me for saving him and helping them against HYDRA. Even though Natasha didn't trust me I still felt accepted, and now it's all gone.

"He is worth saving Eden. Even if you don't want to believe it. Even if he never remembers who you are, he's worth saving. Steve would want this, he'd be proud of you for saving his friend." I tell myself as I wash my hair with his Head and Shoulders shampoo. As I wash my body, the water turns to a dirty brown color from all the mud and dirt I had acquired from the weeks I'd been on the run.

Turning off the water I step out of the shower wrap myself in a towel. I grab my clothes and see how I've only worn them for a short while they would be clean enough to wear again. Besides it's not like I have any other clothes I could wear. I dry off and dress myself. Then I snoop through the cabinets under the sink for things to use for hygiene purposes. I see deodorant and an unused toothbrush. Grabbing the items and utilizing them, I feel slightly guilty for having not asked to use them. Then again, they were unused and sitting there so I might as well have used them.

I walk out of the bathroom and back into the living room, eyeing the sofa. I look at Bucky before sitting down on the cushions.

"Something about you seems familiar. Almost like I know you from somewhere, you said we used to be partners. Is that true?" His confused eyes plead to mine to be some kind of portal into his past.

"Yes, we used to be partners when we worked for HYDRA. It seems like a long time ago. A lot has happened since then. However, we... uh met before that. It wasn't exactly and IDEAL meeting but it was when we first met nonetheless." Images of my first death play in my head as I relay the information.

"What happened? What did I do?"

"Do you really want to know? I mean you probably won't like what you're going to hear."

"I want to know what I've done, who I was."

"Okay... then. It was the first time they'd let me meet another asset. I didn't know it was going to be a training session for us both, but it was. They'd built a dome and had me go in. They said I'd have to defend myself and survive. So I went in and there you were, all mindless and scary. So I took to the air to get away from you, I knew that given the chance you would try to kill me. I'd only heard about you in whispers, but it was enough to terrify me. You hunted me down, and then you, you know." I put my finger across my neck to show instead of say what happened because even though I should be over it, it still bothers me to talk about it.

"So I killed you, but you're here in front of me so how did I kill you?"

"Well they brought me back to life eventually. They put some kind of serum in me that I guess worked to bring me back. I also think it was dormant until the last time we had an encounter, I think you woke it up."

"What do you mean?"

"My senses are stronger. I can see further, hear things from miles away, and smell things that people shouldn't be able to smell. Also my healing has greatly improved, but it has a greater toll. I'm not as strong or fast or have as much stamina as I used to." I blab, not noticing the disbelieving expression on his face.

"Right. It's getting late, I think you should go. You can have any other room in this building. Just don't come knocking on mine."

"What? Why? Did I say something wrong?"

"I still don't trust you enough to have you in the same room as me. Also, I don't remember any part of us meeting. So until I do or until I can trust you enough to work with you, you're going to find someplace else to sleep. There are many options to choose from in this building."

"I don't think you understand. There are people hunting us down to kill us for money. They may not know where I am but I don't think it will take long for them to catch on to my trail."

"So you came here, you will eventually lead them here to me. Which is why you can't stay here, you need to leave."

"I thought we could work together, I don't know how many times I've said that."

"I don't know how many times I've said that I don't want to work with you."

"Seriously we're going in circles and I'm not going to give up." I say standing up and walking over to him. "You NEED to learn to trust me, because I very well may be the last person on this earth who is willing to help you. I'm giving you a chance here that I wouldn't even think about giving most people."

"Why is that? Because you want something from me?"

"No, because I know who you could be. I know that someone I cared about never gave up on you, and he may have died trying to save you."

"You knew him? The guy on the ship with you, you knew him?"

"Of course I knew him, maybe not as well as the others but yes I knew him. He believed in me when no one else did. He gave me a chance to make things right, to fight against HYDRA."

"I think we used to be friends, at least that's what was on the tour at the museum. I don't remember him, no matter how hard I try. He said something to me when I was trying to complete my mission. He said 'I'm with you till the end of the line.' That meant something to me, to my past. It made me want to remember who I was, but more of who he was."

"This is good, you're opening up. Maybe we can find something to trigger your memories to return. It could be anything like a smell, or a place, or even, like before, a phrase."

"I don't want to trust you, and I don't. But you're right, you won't give up." He sighs before continuing, "We can try, TRY, working together. But if you do something I don't like or my memories don't come back, then you're gone. Got it?"

"Yes I understand. Just know that part of the reason I'm doing this, is for Steve. He really believed in you and so do I." I say walking to the door. "I'll be in the next door over if you need something." I exit his room and open the door next to his. The overpowering smell of mold and rotting wood overtake my nostrils causing bile to rise in my throat. I put my hand over my mouth and pinch my nose with my fingers. Running out of the room, I slam the door closed. I walk into the room on the other side of Bucky's, tentatively this time. I open the door and peek my head in. Nothing attacks my senses like the other room.

This room is completely vacant, unlike Bucky's which is completely furnished. I look around. The floorboards are worn, the grey walls are peeling, and the kitchen is a disaster with cockroaches everywhere on the white tile counters. Walking down the hall I see the bathroom is in very poor condition and the bedroom is the only semi nice place in the entire apartment. The window leading to the fire escape, lets in a lot of unwanted evening light. I know the sun will go down soon, but that means another uncomfortable lonely night for me. I lay down in the middle of the room where the light touches most, and close my eyes basking in the warm evening sunlight. It doesn't take long until I fall into a dark, dreamless sleep.