paradox | ushijima wakatoshi

thirteen | if there's one thing i can promise you it's this

"Shiori-" he started to say, but grew silent after she cut him off.

"I know, Iwa. I know." The subtle hints of crying were still present on her pale face. The eyes tinged with a blood red hue, the skin around them that had puffed up like a pillow, the crazed birds nest of hair on top of her head. It had once been a neatly combed ponytail. Now, there were loose strands slipping through and scattered messily all over Shiori's face.

Shiori was a wreck. Both physically and mentally.

Iwaizumi had so many thoughts exploding through his mind, and he so desperately wanted to let them escape his mouth, but he couldn't bring himself to. Not after looking at her face. Iwaizumi sighed, begrudgingly deciding to drop the touchy subject and move on.

But he just couldn't. No matter how much he wanted to, he couldn't bring himself to forget the initial shock that had coarse through his mind and body upon the bewildering news. It was a lie. Everything was a lie. The sweet kisses and flirty words were really just a cover for the swollen and bruised body parts. He couldn't believe that her relationship with his kouhai had been this toxic. The two of them had seemed so happy, so perfect together. It was like god had crafted the two of them just for each other. But that image just came tumbling down, shattered into tiny pieces.

Iwaizumi could not even fathom how much of what they said was made up. Now, as he looked back upon his actions, a wave of regret flushed over him. Why had he acted so impulsively? Hell, he had went and encouraged Shiori to go and talk to Kindaichi again in attempt to get the two back together. But that wasn't even the worst of it. It seemed to all catch up to him in a few seconds. The words that he had so foolishly uttered to her must have brought so much pain.

So much... undeserved pain.

What had she ever done to have to bear this much suffering upon her shoulders?

Iwaizumi let out a shaky breath that he didn't even know he was holding.

It was overlooked, but it became a path for allowing the rest of the walk home to be in silence. A time to think.

Well, it was going to be in silence. Surprisingly, Shiori was the one who broke it.

"Ne, Iwa-chan."

"Hm?" he hummed, a slight tinge of curiosity in his voice.

"You're- You're not going to tell my brother about this right?"

Iwaizumi froze in his steps. Shiori kept talking though, oblivious to the overbearing weight she had just pushed onto his shoulders.

"Ushijima-senpai had originally intended for me to talk about my past to Tōru, but I wasn't really comfortable telling Tōru yet. Especially if I was standing next to Ushijima-senpai. Is it okay if I ask you to not mention any of this to Tōru? I know that you guys are close and it might be a little difficult to hide something like this, but please? Just this once?"

Iwaizumi found himself nodding. And as soon as he realized what he was doing, he wanted to turn back time and take it all back. But it was too late now. Her face had already lit up with joy, and saying anything now would destroy the look on her face. How long had it been since he say such a pure smile on Shiori's face?

Considering the severe amount of pain that had already been dealt to her in the past, he would do anything now to see her happy. He would even make himself suffer the consequences. He deserved it didn't he? Wasn't he the one that had given you the silent treatment after Shiori "dumped" Kindaichi?

Iwaizumi promised himself then and there, he would keep her secret. He only hoped that he could actually keep his word. It was a battle of morals and trust. Was he to do what was expected of him or what he expected of himself? The answer was unclear, but as Iwaizumi looked at the girl that was walking in front of him, he could just see how much of a toll her past had taken on you. With the burden of it shared, everything about her was more lively, more festive. Shiori took a complete one eighty.

Did she notice that her steps now had a slight lift in them?
Did she notice that her shoulders, which had been sagging down were now pushed up in a confident stance?
Did she notice that her smile, which used to be so rarely seen was now genuinely covering all of her face?
Did she notice that her eyes were shining with hope? The contrast between these and the dead ones before was unimaginable. It was like they belonged to two entirely different people.

Who was Iwaizumi to make this crash down again? How could he be so selfish?

When it was just her secret, the responsibility of whom Shiori decided to tell fell entirely upon her shoulders. No one but her and Kindaichi knew, but it was blatantly obvious that Kindaichi would never tell anyone. Everyone always assumed he was the victim in the relationship. A scapegoat that she had pushed all of her stress and anxiety onto. Now that the truth was exposed, Iwaizumi was forced into a realization of how much control he now welded.

But could he handle that?

***

hey! i'm not dead!

In all honesty, I'm sorry that I just disappeared for a while. I don't want to give a ton of useless excuses, but I do want to say that I will be trying to get a new fic out soon. It will be a BTS Sope or Yoonmin story and an AU, so it won't be about anime, but regardless I hope you all will still read it. Many of you have probably guessed that I am a kpop fan due to the countless allusions in my titles but I hope that this fic will be able to open new doors for me. Anyway, thank you so much for reading! Please leave a vote and comment! I love you all, and I will be updating as soon as I can. 

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-zhxngyv