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dear kim taehyung.
this is gonna be really hard for me to write. so yeah.
we met like four years ago when we were eleven. we had both just started secondary school and got on really well. i always thought you were attractive but never really thought about it until about three months ago. then i realised, wow, taehyung is really fucking hot. and cute. and just really lovely and sweet. and you always listen and you're so funny and fucking hell i have a massive crush on you.
it started out not so bad, i would just be sitting next to you at lunch or whatever and i'd realise how cute you were. then it got worse and i'd start looking at your lips and wanting to kiss you. then it got even more shitty and everytime i saw you i would feel really happy and want to hug you and kiss you and do all the couple-y things people do. once i walked home with you after school and i actually had to force myself to not just grab hold of your hands. we went to your house and sat on your bed, and i remembered when i kissed jeongguk there, and i suddenly wished how it had been you instead. i wish you had been my first kiss.
then we got bored of doing homework so we decided to watch a movie. it was a shitty romance one that we watched on your laptop. i kept imagining you and me doing all the cute coupley things like in the movie; you'd take me out on a date and we'd share a milkshake, then we'd visit the beach and watch the sunset together. you'd take my hand in yours and tell me how beautiful i am. and then you'd kiss me and everything will be okay. but then the movie ended and i was snapped out of my daydream. you started talking about how cute some guy in your maths class was and i wanted to cry. and scream. and punch you but not really because i don't want you to get hurt.
then my mum came to pick me up and i said goodbye and i got in the car and cried as we drove away because i really like you and it's way more than i've ever liked anyone else.
the next day at school was really hard. and the day after that and the day after that and so on, until here we are today where hopefully i can get rid of these stupid fucking feelings. every time i see you now i just want to kiss you and say that you're my boyfriend. but i know you'll never think of me like that so i wish these feelings would just fucking die because me and you are never going to be anything more than good friends. i try not to talk to you as much because it hurts less when i'm away from you, but it's hard because you're in a lot of my classes and you're friends with all my friends so i can't ever be away from you unless i'm completely alone. last week you were obviously flirting with jeongguk so i said that i felt ill and i needed to be alone. so i went and sat by myself on a different table because it hurt so fucking much. someone sat next to me and i really really hoped that it was you coming to tell me that you liked me. but i knew that would never happen.
it was yoongi. he's in a lots of my classes and i've talked to him a few times and he's really nice. also there was that one time last year where he kissed me in spin the bottle. he asked me if i was okay and i said yes then i started to cry. then for some reason i told him everything, even though i had sworn to myself that i would keep it secret. he was really nice and comforted me and gave me some tips how to get over you. he asked me if there was anything i did in the past to get over other crushes. so i told him about these letters even though i swore that i would never ever tell anyone. but there was something about yoongi that made me trust him. i think it was his eyes, they were pretty and seemed kind. i don't know why i'm telling you this.
anyway, i did the things he said and now i'm writing this letter. because i really really want to get over you; every time i see you now i'm not happy, i just hurt. even when someone just mentions your name it hurts. i hate it i hate it i hate you. except i really don't.
