It's Only Logical | Big Bang Theory

The Homecoming Reaction

I think my need for emotional support was a huge factor in why I was so quick to call up Penny and ask if I could move back. Sure, my dad said some wise words, but ... finding out your mom cheated on your dad, and having your memory of a blissful childhood somehow ... shattered - that is a blow to the stomach and heart worse than any I could have ever thought up.

Penny's big wide lovable smile is the first thing that meets me as she opens the door to her apartment.
"LUCIIIIIIIIIILLE!" she squeals and envelops me in a hug that feels more like a kind-hearted attempt to crush me to death. She starts to jump up and down, still embracing me, forcing me to jump with her. I feel my cheek turning double as I try to survive this odd, odd situation.
"What is going on?" a voice calls out from behind us, and I feel myself smiling at Sheldon's voice. Finally, Penny lets me go and turns me around to face Sheldon.
"Lucille is back!" she squeals excitedly, shaking my shoulders. Sheldon stands with his arms crossed, looking a bit annoyed, surely at Penny's high-pitched outburst. However, after a moment, he lets his arms fall to his side.
"Welcome back, Lucille," he nods before heading back into his apartment. I smirk as I turn back around to face Penny.
"He was totally excited to see me," I say.
"Totally," Penny agree. Laughing, we pick up my bags - the rest is arriving later - and enter her apartment. Our apartment. Thank God.
"So," Penny says, pouring us a glass of wine. "I'm so sorry to hear about your parents. Do you want to talk about it?" Yes. There is nothing I'd like more than to put words on this jumble of feelings I'm feeling.
"Nah, but thanks," I say and take a sip.
"Do you want to try to get your work back at the university?" she asks.
"I'm definitely going to try to get some sort of work at the university," I say, honestly a little nervous at the potential prospect of not being able to work with astrophysics as before. "But that's for me to worry about tomorrow ... tell me, is Leonard doing okay? Away on the seas and all?" I ask her, and her face falls a little.
"Yeah, Leonard is doing really okay," she says, oddly aggressive, and I stare at her, expecting an elaboration. After a moment she acknowledges my stare with a roll of her eyes. "I've just been spending so much time missing him, you know? And it seems like he doesn't miss me at all," she says, looking down.
"Oh honey," I say and pull her close. "I'm sure you're just overthinking it. I mean, it's Leonard. He's wacky. Besides, he adores you," I tell her, and she nods with a sigh. "But if you're right and he doesn't miss you, he will pay. I swear it," I continue, looking her dead serious in the eye. For a second, she looks at me with a pair of slightly scared eyes, but they soon turn mischievous to accompany her grin.
"Thank you, Lucille. Maybe it was you that I missed, not Leonard," she says, and we clink our glasses together.

Knock knock knock, "Lucille and Penny,", knock knock knock, "Lucille and Penny,", knock knock knock, "Lucille and Penny," Penny and I get up to greet Sheldon with our glasses of wine. I should drink wine more often. Wine is good. Behind the door is also Howard who has a big, big smile on his face.
"Lucille!" he says and opens his arms. "You're back!"
"I am!" I say and hug him, letting Sheldon hold my glass. When we let go, Howard is still smiling widely, and his eyes are really wide too. "Dude," I tell him, and he lets it fade. Beside him, Sheldon dares to sniff the wine, only to have his face scrunch up in disgust and utter regret. We welcome them inside and start talking about everything that has happened since we last saw each other.
"I'm sorry to hear about your parents," Howard says. "You know, I... know a thing or two about broken homes. My dad left when I was a child ..." he continues, solemnly, with sadness in his eyes and voice. I pat him on the shoulder.
"Yes," I say, "so what do you have going on, Sheldon?"
"Not much, really, I'm just looking forward to the sailor hat Leonard better be bringing home for me," Sheldon interjects, Howard and I turning our heads.
"Leonard has promised Sheldon a sailor hat if he takes good care of me while he's gone," Penny exclaims with a smile and a roll of her eyes.
"That's right," Sheldon says, trying to suppress an excited grin.
"And Bernadette's good?" I ask Howard. He nods.
"Yeah. She and Amy attended this convention the other day. She's not keen on talking about it though," he tells us with a thoughtful look on his face. "My guess? There was some lady-on-lady action going on," he nods with a stupid sly grin on his face.
"Gross, Howard," Penny and I say in unison, and Howard keeps nodding, though without the stupid grin.
"Right, right," he says. "And then I spent some time with Raj!" he says, in an attempt to change the subject and eliminate Penny and I's judgemental glares. A mention of Raj. That's fine. I won't let them see that it affects me. Although it totally doesn't. Howard's smile fades as he looks at me. "Oh," Oh.
"Oh, Raj! Right!" I exclaim, a little too loudly, as if I had forgotten who he was. "Funny guy. Yeah..." I nod thoughtfully. "So what's he doing right now?" I ask, crossing my legs and leaning forward. "Not that it's important. It's just that you guys came over to say hi, so I thought that ... nah, never mind," I lean back with a wave of my hand. I see three faces staring at me.
"I think he's just... busy," Howard says, breaking the silence.
"Yeah," I say, sipping a big sip.
"I'm not sure you should have let her back into our building, Penny, she seems even more loony than before," Sheldon says.

It's now 8.23 pm. I'm standing in front of Raj's door. I don't know why I'm here. Is it the wine? Or is it this heart-wrenching desire to look into his eyes again? Do I even  dare? What if he looks at me differently, what if that adoring, sweet look in his eyes is... gone? I knock. He's probably not even home. Howard said he was busy. Yeah. The door opens. Raj. He stares at me, and I stare at him. "Hello," I say quietly, and he reluctantly gestures me inside. His place looks a little messy. It looks like he's been baking, and I now notice the lavender apron Raj is wearing. I smile, though he doesn't see it.
"Busy baking today?" I ask. He shrugs. "Oh. Busy doing something else?" I ask. He shrugs. "Oh, okay." I nod, fidgeting with a loose piece of fabric on his couch. "It's just... Howard said you were busy. I came back today. They came to see me," I go on, and Raj turns his back to me, picking up a dishcloth and folding it together, then unfolding it, then folding it again. "So I just wondered what kept you busy enough t-"
"Oh my God, Lucille!" Raj yells, throwing the dishcloth against the table and turning to face me. "You didn't call once. I poured my heart out to you, and you- you... you left! Without another word. Without an explanation!" He's not looking at me like he used to.
"Raj, I'm sorr-"
"I've been right here, all this time, waiting for you to call me. To show up at my door. To give me an answer." His voice is lower now, his tone almost one of defeat.
"I know. You're right. And I do have an answer, Raj, I-" I stop myself mid-sentence, frowning. "Raj, did you... did you have any alcohol today?" I ask, stepping one step closer. He frowns, too, looking down. "Oh my-" I'm cut off by Raj's lips meeting mine, his hands summoning all their strength to pull me as close to him as possible, my hands bursting with desire to feel him, his arms, his neck, his hair. The warmth in my heart doubling, tripling, oh heck! Our chests feel warm to the touch against each other, almost as if our hearts are so aflame that the heat is ready to burn us up, or perhaps everything that is not us. After what feels like an eternal, yet timeless kiss, we break apart, out of breath and blushing all over. The lavender apron is on the floor. I look at him, and he looks at me with adoring, sweet eyes. I smile and pull him in for another kiss.