Ragged Girl

Chapter Five- Breakdown

My breathing comes in short, ragged breaths. I stand in the middle of my bland room, not sure what to do with myself. A knock sounds from my door and it opens.

"Blake, you ran from the car, is everything alright?" Jason peers around my door. Without thinking I throw the closest thing I can reach. With deadly precision it hits his head. "Ow! Why'd you throw your... hair brush, at me?"

"Get out!" I scream as it become frequently harder for me to breathe.

"Okay, okay, okay! I'll go and leave you alone," he put his hands up in an 'I surrender' motion and quickly leaves.

My hands bury themselves in my hair. I can feel myself pull and scratch at my scalp in anger and... sadness? Desperation also fills my blood and a chill of fear runs down my spine. The fear is of myself. Fear of the heartless person I have become. Fear of what I can do. Fear that they'll keep me like one of the men. Fear of having more deaths on my already blood soaked hands. 

I went to my bathroom to take a cold shower. The bathroom was a dark blue and the shower was a fancy glass type shower... it all felt so strange, yet fitting for my melancholy mood. The water was set at the lowest temperature it could possibly be set to. Stepping in, my skin began to tingle almost instantly. I didn't leave until my body was completely numb in a painful way. Upon stepping out I was faced with my image. I was repulsed!

I looked... ragged. I snorted. That was so fitting. Blake Reid, the Ragged Girl. With force I didn't know I had, I punched the mirror and it shattered into several pieces. Some were small and others were large. At first I thought it looked beautiful the way they were laying in shattered pieces on the floor, but then I realised what I had done and that I caused the destruction. Always, I always cause destruction no matter where I go. Running from the room, I quickly changed and went outside onto my little balcony in hopes to clear my head and ease my ragged breathing. It was beautiful, the woods that stood about twenty to thirty feet away looked so breath taking. There was a perfect balance of light and fog that seeped through the trees. Everything was breath taking and it made me sick with myself. I noticed my hand was bleeding quite badly. Then I realised that I couldn't care less and the pain was welcome. After all I had caused people more pain than this, right?

A strange noise ripped itself from my lips and I collapsed to the ground. Tears ran hot down my cheeks. I had forgotten how good it feels to cry until tears cannot form any longer. That's exactly what I did too... until I somewhat briefly passed out. Suddenly I was aware of something warm and solid, yet soft beneath me. My eyes slowly slid open with great resistance. Above me sat Jason, looking down at me with wide, alarmed eyes. His arms were wrapped firmly around me and he smoothed my damp hair.

"I-"

"No Blake it's fine. I'm here for you, even if you don't want me to be," his voice was soothing and sweet. Tears I didn't know I still possessed, spilled from my eyes. I turned and buried my face within Jason's chest. How could someone even stand to look at me knowing what I had done? Simple, he'd done similar things.

"Th-thank y-you so m-much J-Jason," I tried to choke out, but it's hard with my emotions so strong that they weighed me down.

"Your welcome Blake." He lifted me and cradled me in his arms. I wasn't entirely sure how long I lay weeping in his arms, but I cried myself out until they were only hiccups. I looked at him as I felt a sharp pain in my stomach, which clearly meant I was hungry. Probably from all the crying and the fact I had only eaten a little of my lunch today didn't help.

"I'm a little hungry, but I don't want Elizabeth to see me like this," my voice was barely above a whisper, but his ear was close enough to my lips so he heard.