Hold On (I Still Need You) // muke

chapter one

Luke hummed as Michael cuddled into him, his boyfriend's head laying on his arm as they talked the AM hours away. The older boy was very clearly stoned. Luke could smell the weed underneath the shallowly fragrant cologne he sprayed and fading mint gum. The smell of pot hurt his nose, but he didn't complain, he didn't feel like he had room to. It wasn't hurting anyone.

"Pay attention to me." Michael whined, and the blond could feel him looking up at him even though the lights were out and the room was pitch black. He could just feel his eyes on him. It felt like all the eyes in the world was on him, and he's never felt more special in the world.

"I am."

He really was. He's always looking at him.

"You're not. You're not even looking at me." Michael huffed, his breath fanning over Luke's neck and exposed collarbone. "Look at me. Pay attention to me."

Luke could faintly see the outlines and details of his face and the movement of his jaw as he chewed away. There was a slight shimmer along his forehead because his face was always a little more on the oily side, and no matter what he man did, it never seemed to dry up. The gleam of his eyebrow piercing was slightly intimidating, reminding him that the boy in his arms wasn't the same Michael he actually fell in love with two years ago, but instead he's an entirely different person.

"Are you looking at me?" Michael asked, and Luke could feel his breath on his face now.

"I always am." Luke admitted, feeling himself smile as the older boy buried his face in his neck. He hummed, and Luke laughed lightly at the vibrations it gave off. "That tickles."

Michael returned the airy chuckle, and Luke's fingers curled into Michael's long sleeved t-shirt as he felt the older boy's lips press against his neck. They were soft against his skin, and the familiar sound of his kiss filled the room. He was trapped - not knowing if he liked the feeling or not. Of course he liked getting his neck kissed, but he wasn't sure if he liked his boyfriend being high as a kite as he did it.

"You're such a brat." Luke muttered, a hand resting on Michael's waist as he continued littering his neck with kisses. "Did you know that?"

"Mhm, but I'm your brat."

Michael kissed his cheek before snuggling up to him again. This time the top of his head was under Luke's chin, and the younger blond was licking his lips in nervousness as he felt Michael's breath on his skin. It felt wrong, but it also felt so right at the same time.

Why couldn't he just be sober?

"Yeah..." Luke trailed off, unsure why he felt so disconnected and distant from the boy in his arms. "You are."

It was silent before Michael started whining again, demanding that Luke paid attention to him. He was looking at him again. Luke felt like the most important person in the world again.

Michael's lips were right next to his again.

"Lu!" Michael whined as his hand tugged on the hem of Luke's shirt. "Look at me." He pouted.

"I am. I've been looking at you." Luke adjusted his head on his pillow and then sighed. "Mike, it's late." He tried, wanting to fall asleep now since he was getting tired.

"But I'm not tired." Michael refused, his finger jamming into Luke's stomach almost instantly. "Poke. Poke. Poke-"

"Michael, stop." Luke huffed, growing irritated with each passing second. Every poke made him want to leave the bed more than the last, but it was probably just his short fuse burning. He didn't really mean it. He loved being in bed beside him.

"Poke. Poke. Poke. Po-"

Luke grabbed his hand tightly and he could feel Michael sticking his tongue out at him. He scoffed, rolling his eyes in the dark as Michael moved his hand around in his fist. "Stop." He sighed.

He meant it. He truly did. Michael didn't seem to catch the drift.

"Why? It's fun." Michael dragged the last word out a moment or two. "Let me have fun."

"It's not fun for me." Luke claimed, and Michael was silent for just a second. Only a second.

"But it's fun for me."

He went back to try and poke him but Luke immediately caught one of his hands, tightening his grip on it since his boyfriend had small hands. "Michael, I said stop. That hurts." Luke nearly snapped, and Michael was sticking his tongue out at him again.

"You're acting like a five-year-old brat." Luke mumbled, and Michael was just laying down again. He didn't speak. He didn't move.

"I love you." He heard Michael whisper, and Luke could feel chills run up his spine. They've said it plenty of times before, but this felt different. It felt heavier, and Luke felt like he didn't know the sound of his voice anymore.

"You know I love you too." Luke replied, and there it was again. He could feel Michael's lips right above his as his encages hands wiggle their way to the waistband of his sweatpants.

Michael's bottom lip was nudging his top lip and he could feel himself pull away as his warm hands sneaked beneath his pajamas. He was nervous. He didn't want to do anything with Michael when he knew his out of his right state of mind.

So Luke voiced his concerns.

"So?" Was all Michael had to say, but that didn't make Luke feel any better. He was still unsure since Michael was still stoned.

Would he even remember it in the morning? He knew Michael's memory was poor after he was high. What was the point?

Luke felt Michael press his bottom lip against his top lip, almost like he was quietly searching for his lips. The younger blond swallowed thickly before he felt both of Michael's lips on his, and he felt his heart race faster as he caught Michael's hand before he could actually touch him.

His eyes shut as he kissed his boyfriend back, and Michael relaxed his hand in Luke's grip, allowing them to lace their fingers together instead. The younger man was thankful he stopped.

"You're adorable." Luke laughed quietly and Michael kissed him again quickly.

"You're adorable." He countered, and Luke smiled into the kiss, his aggravation running lower and lower the longer he and Michael stayed close to each other.

He almost felt like things were normal again.