Hold On (I Still Need You) // muke

chapter three

Maybe Luke held Michael a little too tight when they were watching movies that night, but it wasn't because he was scared of Angelina Jolie. Maybe he squeezed his hand a little too hard when he needed reassurance that he was there with him, but not because he didn't want him falling asleep during the movie. Maybe he held his breath when he would disappear for whatever reason, and it wasn't because he looked dashing in his stained t-shirt and sweatpants.

It was only because sometimes he dreamt that he'd wake up and Michael would be gone from his side of the bed. Sometimes he imagines the house without his touch of chaos or his dash of joy and it feels empty of life. Sometimes he falls into a tunnel of what he would do if his boyfriend just disappeared from his life without a word, without a trace.

The answer? Nothing.

He wouldn't do anything because he wouldn't have anything. He wouldn't have his partner to taste test new recipes he finds online, or even ones he makes up himself. He wouldn't have his cuddle buddy to hold when nights got cold or days got hard. He wouldn't have his best friend to talk to about the little things in life he notices that no one else seems to care about. He wouldn't have his boyfriend to fill his schedule and give him a reason to smile when he wakes up too early or to annoy him late at night when they couldn't sleep.

Call him paranoid. Call him obsessed. But he couldn't lose the most important person in his life besides for his family.

So when he woke up to Michael crying right beside him in their bed, Luke was naturally ready to cling to him for life in case something in his sick mind told him he didn't deserve what he has. He held him tightly to his chest with one arm beneath his own head and the other curled around his boyfriend's waist, hoping his embrace would remind him fir the millionth time that he was here and he wasn't leaving. He buried his face into his pillow and rested his chin against the top of his head, his entire body pressed against Michael's. He could feel his dainty shoulders shake with sobs and he could hear his gasps for breath and sniffles despite his face buried into the comforter.

They never quieted his cries. Luke could be miles away and he could still feel and hear when Michael was crying.

"Hey..." He mumbled, his voice as soft as it could be considering he had been awoken only moments ago. "Mikey, baby, I'm here."

He felt Michael hold on to his hand and he pressed his lips against his head. "Shh. It's okay." He continued.

Michael's fingers curled into his and he felt the older man turn to face him. "What's wrong?" He asked gently, moving his salt water soaked fringe from his face. "Talk to me, sweetheart. It's okay. You'll be okay."

Michael squeezed his hand and Luke pushed his arm from beneath his head to beneath his boyfriend's body. He pulled him close to his body, so close that his tears were smeared against his collarbones and his breath was hitting his chest. He could stay here forever with him, and he would do it if that's what it took for him to feel better.

"It's okay. You don't need to talk right now if you can't." Luke played with the soft strands of Michael's dyed hair in an attempt to try and soothe the man. "I got you. You're okay."

Michael's weight pushed Luke on to his back, and he could feel his boyfriend's pierced ear press against his heart. Their legs tangled together beneath the heavy duvet and the younger blond rubbed circles on his partner's exposed skin.

Slowly, very, very, slowly his bone shaking sobs stilled to nothing but a steady rise and fall of his chest. His hard and heavy breathing was back to a normal pace. His grip was limp in his hand. Gentle snores, quiet hums, and a nuzzle into his figure, he had fallen asleep on his chest to the sound of his heartbeat.

Luke smiled to himself and then looked to the open window, deciding if he fell asleep then he fell asleep, but he was going to stay awake as long as he could just in case Michael woke up again.