Hold On (I Still Need You) // muke

chapter five

"And you left him?"

Luke sighed as he pinched the bridge of his nose. "I left our house. I-I technically didn't break up with him, if that's what you mean."

"I know it's not your responsibility to care for him like a child, but Luke..." Ashton trailed off. "He needs you now more than ever."

"He told me he didn't want me to care and that he wants to do this to himself. I can't help someone who doesn't want help." Luke defended himself as he ran a hand through his hair.

"He's your boyfriend, and he needs you now more than ever." His best friend insisted as he pushed his glasses higher up his nose. "He's hurting."

"He -"

"- I know." Ashton cut him off. "I know, but if you love him, Luke, you'll leave me alone and go to the man who actually needs you right now."

"Are you saying you don't want me here?" Luke
gasped and Ashton chuckled.

He set his textbook down. "I'm saying don't make a mistake that could cost you the rest of your life... and I have to study for my big assessment. I need to be alone." He tsk'ed.

"Alright." He nodded as he stood up. "You think Michael's in trouble?"

"I know what it's like to hurt the way he does, you better go to him." Ashton reminded him and Luke looked down at the floor. "Go."

So Luke ran to his car and listened to his best friend. After all, Ashton was almost never wrong.

-

When he got home, he sighed as he saw broken glass on the floor. He walked carefully, wincing when the shattered china crunched beneath his boots. "Mike?"

He got a strange sense of déjà vu.

"Michael? Baby, I'm... I'm sorry." He called out through the small, empty house.

He stepped through the hallway and then saw his bedroom door open. "Luke?"

"It's me, yeah." He answered. He saw Michael step out and Luke awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck. "How are you feeling?"

"Fine." He smiled a grin Luke knew all too well. A lazy, drugged, tilt of his lip as he leaned against the doorframe. "How are you?" He pointed at the blond.

"I'm... okay." He answered before pulling his leather jacket off. "I'm sorry I left."

"No. I'm sorry you left." Michael apologized. "I'm a mess."

"I'm just scared of losing you, Mike."

He knew Michael wouldn't really remember their conversation, or what he was about to say to him. Under other circumstances, perhaps they'd even argue again over the simple statement like they had earlier. But he didn't care. He was too emotionally drained to let this stop him from getting this off his chest.

"I-I'm scared that one day you won't be here because one of your vices got too strong for you. That one day I'll get a call saying you're-you're gone." His voice cracked. "I would be so lost if one day you just left me alone. I don't want to be alone."

"Luke -"

"- I've been scared of losing you for years. You don't know what that can do to a person, Mikey. You just don't know how much it hurts." Luke whispered. "You can make or break my life and that's why I care so much. I love you. I want you to be happy and-and healthy. I want a life with you, and we can't have a life if you're dead."

"That's..." Michael hesitated, "- kind of selfish."

"What'a selfish is you believing that the only person you hurt when you drag that-that blade across your skin or take the drugs that you do is you." The blond accused as he felt a tear fall from his eye. "It hurts me too."

They stared at each other and Luke angrily wiped his tears away with the back of his hand when he realized this was all useless. Michael won't remember. He doesn't care. He's blissed out on pills and all he can think of right now is how high he is. He's wasting his time confessing to him.

"I'm gonna sweep up the glass on the floor. Go lay down." He pointed to their bedroom. "Watch T.V. I'll be there right now."

"Luke?"

He sniffled and then looked up to see his boyfriend approach him. He set a hand on his waist and Luke almost felt his composure crumble at his gentle touch. "I love you."

"I love you too." He set a hand on his face, feeling the warmth of his skin and rise of his skin as his lips curled into a doped up smile.

"Forever?" He asked quietly, his voice shaking with the two syllable word.

Luke nodded sadly as he smiled himself, his world blurry as he stared at the man in front of him with stars in his eyes and a heart that beat for him. "Always."