Senseless

August 20, 1882 - Leviathan

Adonai, you must not let Cassiel die.

It was all I could think from the moment Rosie told me she was in danger. I'm not sure that it was initially a prayer—it had been so very long since I'd last spoken to Adonai and the idea of praying was as foreign to me as breathing under water. But, as I received new information, found out that the church was on fire and that Cassiel was within it, I knew exactly what I needed from Him. I know He did not bring her to earth and allow her to sacrifice her angelic abilities so that she might perish in a fire.

She will not lose; will not die, because of me.

Adonai.

It was instinct that caused me to enter the church, a drive that left me almost as soon as I'd done as it suggested. I knew the consequences of stepping onto holy ground, but I was unsure how quickly I would succumb. I was determined to find Cassiel first. I had to find her first. The front of the church was in flames. 

Large wood rafters had fallen in places, leaning dangerously in all directions. A web of broken timbers, split boards and shattered glass. Flames crept from floor to the ceiling causing ash and flakes of materials to fall like snow.

Heat bloomed and sweat instantly formed on my face, running into my eyes. 

I pulled off my jacket and threw it away from myself, hoping to ease some of the excessive heat. "Cassiel?" I screamed her name, afraid my voice would be lost under the sound of wood cracking. I pulled my shirt tail out and pressed the hem to my mouth and nose. My eyes and nose were already burning and I was just in the entryway. I didn't want to think of what Cassiel might be experiencing. She would not be able to survive in smoke like this for long. "Cassiel?"

I pushed forward, sliding past fallen boards and moving around caved in floorboards. Show her to me. Show her to me. Please, I  just a hint. I don't know where to look. 

I dodged a falling chandelier, throwing myself sideways to keep from being stuck in the head by the falling metal. In the process, my foot caught on a nearby pew and I fell to my stomach. I rolled, crashing through a pile of broken stain glass. It cut into the skin of my hands, my wrists, my face. I forced myself up, forced myself to keep going.

Through the cloth at my mouth, I kept screaming her—even after I knew in my heart that she could not hear me. Soon screams turned to coughing and wheezing. I was almost to the front of the church; I could just barely make out the choir loft and the stain glass windows that covered the back wall. It was a colorful depiction from birth to death to resurrection of Christ. It was a harrowing sight given the present horror. Cassiel's name died on my lips at the building groaned and seemed to sway. The building was collapsing in on itself and soon I would be trapped inside. My way back to the entrance was already blocked.

Smoke and soot covered my hands, my clothes—most certainly my lungs. I felt the suffocating tension of it with every breath I took. This had been my idea. Never in my wildest dreams had I believed Lucius would go as far as to set the church on fire. I'd hoped to buy her time. I should have known what he was capable of.

I had always miscalculated Lucifer. I had miscalculated Cassiel too.

I directed my thoughts at Adonai once more, pleading. I just need you to show her to me. Let me find her. 

My strength gave out just as I found the front of the church. I hit my knees and leaned forward onto the steps of the alter, unable to search or ever cry out anymore. I closed my eyes against the smoke—how many times had I wished to die only to find myself here, so close to the one thing I'd always wanted but could never have again. I had not deserved Cassiel in heaven, what made me believe I deserved her now. This was what I deserved, to burn in a church, to be locked in the pit, to wake up in the Devil's hell.