7 Reasons Why

Chapter 1

On the very first day I realised that Middleton was definitely not the kind of place suited for people like me .
If you would spare me a minute , I would like to precise on my psyche . Yes, I'm an introvert . I already said that right but there's more . I admit I'm shy but I'm not really what you could call 'meek' and 'submissive' . I don't like to be bossed around but you see, life always loved to disappoint me. At Middleton , juniors were basically puppets controlled by the senior students and mind you they organised painful puppet shows , very painful !
To start with we had Janice Roster , beautiful and attractive no doubt but she had a ruthless charm . She was the kind who would skillfully extract your secrets from multiple sources . She wouldn't tell you directly that she knew but would make inferences that she did to get her work done. And if that doesn't work then she obviously had your under wraps handy . She woild simply spread it in the place where maximum trouble could be expected .
She always chose a strategic time and location . It was the end of the day and I intended to collect some books from my locker before I left . She stood right there blocking my locker chatting and laughing away with her best friend Rosa Louis , her all time assistant in her 'puppet shows' .
"If you could please excuse. "
"Oh Perrie ! There you are ! What took you so long ? It seems like ages I've been waiting for you here . I knew you would come so I waited by your locker . Where were you man ! " , and then that evil smirk ! " So , you came to collect your dead mother's birthday present from the locker ? Haven't you kept it here?"
How she knew I have no idea . There was certainly no present for anyone in the locker . But I had never really advertised the fact what Janice called 'my dead mother's birthday ' . Obviously I was sensible enough to not buy a birthday present for someone who is dead .
I knew she was there for business so I brought it up directly.
"What do you want ?"
"Oh very well . You're intelligent . You know very well what I want . "
"I don't think so . "
"Brian Dekins . I want him ! Where is he ?"
"I don't know . "
"You do ! You fucking idiot ! You better tell me , where is he !"
"Trust me , I really don't . "
"Well I know something that you wouldn't want me know but you see I always find out ."
"And what is that , may I know? "
" So you will not tell me where Brian is ?"
"I don't know . I swear ! What do you think I kidnapped him or something? "
"I just found out you know , that you're not sober . Its just been a year at high school and you are already drinking and smoking and what if... your 'stepfather' gets to know . He is spending so much on someone else's daughter and she ditched him like this ! "
"Janice I've just smoked twice . I don't do it anymore . "
"You drink. Don't you ?"
I didn't answer . I really did not know what to say . Yes , I did drink but I had no idea where Brian was . He was in my class . I later figured out that Janice liked him but where was he ? None of us knew . He was there the first year . We both had been to elementary school together . That's why we started talking in high school . We went to the cinema twice together . I won't lie , I wouldn't have hesitated to date him . He was hot but I hardly figured out his feelings so I never brought it up . You see I was shy . But he did like me . Everything had happened too quickly that I couldn't understand anything .
One day we were at the park . Just taking an evening walk like we sometimes did . Generally we talked about literature or movies or songs but an unusual silence prevailed that day . We did talk but it was very different that day -the last day I saw him . He talked deep and frequently sighed . As far as my memory goes it went somewhat like :
........""Any idea how love feels like ?"
"Well , never had a boyfriend so I couldn't say . "
"We could have made better of it if only I could stay ...." , and then he had turned to face me . For the first time I saw his face -that bright handsome face I adored - bright brown eyes and jet black hair with decent fringes on his forehead . To be truthful it was his attitude that I was rather more attracted to . It created a much stronger impression .
Before I could ask what he was trying to say , he held my left cheek with his hand as if asking for consent to -well we did it . We kissed , a very warm kiss . I kissed with all the passion I had . I had never felt such a sensation ever before . I had never dreamt in my wildest dreams that I would get the love of my life and here he was kissing me for a whole minute . When our lips parted , we smiled at each other and then suddenly he broke down .
I never got the chance to console him . When I asked him what happened , he cried even more and then when he had recovered a little he had said , "I have to go Perrie . I am sorry . I can't stay . Goodbye . " , and he left , forever .
I never saw him after that . It was just no point enquiring . Nobody knew where he went . He simply vanished in thin air .
I don't know how but Janice knew it all . She was my senior but wanted Brian . I just didn't know how to make Janice believe that I really didn't know where he had gone .
"You bitch ! You drove him off !"
I did not like to explain myself to 'puppet owners'
" Very well , if that's what you think . I can't help it . I don't know how to bring him back. "
"You will pay for this !", and she left .
Then I thought it was over but it wasn't . Papa did get to know . How he knew ? How Janice conveyed? I've no idea .
He called me to hia study a few days later . This matter had clean gone out of my mind then . He was calm when I entered .
"Papa , you called ?"
" Yes come . Please come ....would you like to tell me anything ?"
"I don't think so....."
" Anything I ought to know? "
I denied .
" Dear I heard you're drinking? "
Then it hit me . How could I've forgotten! I sighed .
"Yes . I do . "
I hadn't the courage to ask how he found out so I waited for his outburst .
"I'm glad you confessed . "
"But its really rare you know -".
" See I wouldn't stop you . I understand you're in high school now . This is the time to experiment with life which you can do . I'm not a bad dad who would debar you but just an advice don't overdo anything . Don't engage in reckless drinking . I think I can have this much faith in you ?"
I was overwhelmed with gratitude . I hadn't expected this . I thought he'd burst at me but instead he was so cool with it .
"Thank you Papa. Thank you so much . You will see , I will not disappoint you ."
He smiled a bright smile and I had hugged him tightly . I felt this strong connecrion with him as if he was my own father . I had never really accepted him for my dad until then .
I was so determined then . I would hardly drink ever again but.....
If only he'd stopped me , burst at me , spanked me and forbidden me that day ....if only he did it . How I wish he had done so but can't help
You may think this incident was of no significance whatsoever but you're wrong . To be honest this incident was the core of all the upheaval in my life . To this day I regret it . If only I hadn't loved Brian ....if only Papa would stop me .....if only.....