My insecurities

Dating

I never really "dated" in school. I don't think we really knew how to date back then. I began going on dates after I joined college, after my first "major" break up. I tried through friends of friends and tinder. Now I know the reputation tinder has for being a hookup app but it's not just for that. I remember my first tinder date. I was scared. I was going to meet a stranger who seemed adorable over txt but could potentially be a serial killer. I kept my phone handy so I could call my friend at any time to alert the police in case I was about to be murdered. Over the course of several dates this fear went away. I was single for he longest time going date after date thinking I wasn't good enough or maybe I was too picky so I'd decide each time that I would try to make it work with the next person. I felt my self respect slowly decrease as id lower my standards trying desperately to keep a guy. I thought I needed a man to make me happy when honestly all I really needed was the attention. I came to this realisation pretty late and actually started enjoying being single from that point. I learnt what it's actually like to "date yourself". I promised myself that I would only date when I was ready. I'm in a happy relationship now and I think having gone through this has really helped. I don't completely depend on him , I do my own shit and he does his. It works.