I love you, I hate you.

Chapter Eighteen.

Thirty minutes later:
Alyssa's POV:
I put my car in front of the grand door. And park it there I grab my purse and walk inside.
The guards open the door and I nod at them. As I walk up the stairs I see Micheal-looking furious. "Where were you," he says furiously while walking towards me. "At the doctor," I say in a duh tone. "But I said I would go with you," he says coldly. "I didn't really want to interrupt you and your company," I say and start to walk away. "You saw that," I hear him mumble. "Mommy," I hear a someone yelling and I recognized the voice... Lilly. I look up and see Lilly and Sophie walking toward me with backpacks. "Are you girls ready," I ask them kneeling down. "Yeah I am so excited to go see my friends again in Cali," Sophie says with a sparkle in her eyes that I hadn't seen since before Lucas  died. I smiled at her and turned to Lilly to see her looking at her shoes. "Aren't you excited Lilly," I ask her. She lifts her head and looks me in the eyes, and I don't see any sparkles in her eyes like Sophie's. I know Lilly misses Lucas a lot because ever since I told her she wouldn't be able to see him anymore because he went up to heaven she always seemed sad. "I guess," she mumbles and looks back at her feet. "Hey Lilly what's wrong don't you miss home," I ask her lifting her chin up making her look at me. "Yeah, but daddy won't be there so what's the point of going to our old "home" when it won't feel like home," she says with tears in her eyes. I hug her tightly. "Baby I know it's hard because it hard for Sophie and I as well, but we will get through this okay?" I say with tears in my eyes. She nods. "Girls come on or else we are going to be late," Maria announces out of nowhere. I nod. I turn around to see Micheal looking furious, but luckily looks can't kill. "Say bye to Micheal girls and then go with Maria," I say. They nod and a small smile appears on Micheals face when Lilly walks over to hug him first. He picks her up and kisses her on the cheek. "Bye Micheal," Lilly says while he puts her down.  He does the same thing to Sophie. And then Sophie and Lilly walk to Maria who is waiting outside leaving me and Micheal. "I am coming with y'all," he says coldly. "WHAT HELL NO," I yell. "Well since you don't want to be here with me then I live with you and marry you in Cali so I am going with you and it's final," he announces. "But what about your clothes you haven't packed or anything," I say trying to make excuses for him not to go. "That's ok I'll have them deliver my stuff," he says and walks toward Lilly and Sophie. "What the hell," I think. Then i walk out. Toward where Maria is. I say goodbye to my parents and Maria. Then we leave.

*at their house*

When we got to the house Sophie ran right into her room happily. 👇

While Lilly and I slowly walked in. When we first walked in I could see Lilly crying so I picked her up and hugged her tightly. Micheal just stayed quiet. All the memories of when Lucas And I first bought the house filled my head. Tears stared rolling down my face. Memories of  When we adopted Sophie, Lilly's first word her first steps all came rushing through my head. I put Lilly down and held her hand while we toured our house. Lilly was right this isn't/ doesn't feel like home anymore. I silently cried while walking around. It was all the same as when we left. "Mommy," I heard a voice say from the stairs. I looked up and saw Sophie with tears in her eyes. "Mommy I want daddy back this doesn't feel like home anymore," she said and came running towards me while crying. I hugged her tightly letting go of Lilly's hand. "Mommy I want daddy back too," Lilly said crying and I hugged her too. "I know, but daddy is in a better place now," I said while crying. The both started sobbing saying they wanted their dad back it hurt knowing that my sister caused all this pain. I took them to their rooms and sung them their favorite song until they both fell asleep. I walked out and closed the door behind me. Then I couldn't anymore I slid down the door until I was sitting on the floor with my face in my hands. I started sobbing. I cried and Micheal heard me so he came up stairs and hugged me tightly. "I want him back Micheal," I said and he tensed up. "I know you do, but I can't bring him back and even if I could I wouldn't," he said releasing me. "How can you say that," I say looking right into his eyes. He just shrugged. We stood there in silence until I broke the silence. "The guest bedroom is on the right," I said and went into Lucas and I old bedroom. I walked in remember how three weeks ago he was telling me how beautiful I was. And I was telling him how lucky I was to have him. I was holding back tears because I needed to be strong for our little babies. I then went into the walk in closet that we shared and saw all his clothes. I went and pulled out his favorite hoodie. I smiled remembering how I wouldn't give him back the hoodie. I then smelt it and it still smelled like him. I decided to wear the hoodie to sleep with some shorts. I turned off the main light, but decided to leave a lamp on. I went and laid on the bed I turned to turn the lamp off and saw a picture of Lucas and I on our first date. I smiled at the memory. I kissed the picture and turned the lamp off. I turned to face Lucas side of the bed, to see that it was empty. The bed felt bigger, but lonely. He wasn't here anymore. He won't ever come back. Tears fell on the hoodie. I closed my eyes and imagined him sleeping beside me. I hugged myself so that I could feel as if he was hugging me. And with that I drifted off to sleep. Feeling as if he were actually hugging me....