I love you, I hate you.

Chapter twenty-Three

I decide to change into my pajamas. There really just shorts and my dads hoodie that I stole. I go and put the Alarm on my phone. I decide to take the piercing out and put it back in tomorrow. After I do that in the bathroom i brush my teeth. I then go back to my bed and lay down. I hear the door open silently. "Lilly," the voice that belongs to my mother says. I groan. "Yes mother," I say "politely". She decides to lay next to me. "I am sorry for hitting you, but what you did was not right," she says and stands up once she gets a glimpse of the quote that's framed. "I don't really care mom, it's not like you never mind," I say sitting up. She reads the quote in her head. "No one will feel your pain and sorrow," she says sadly. "Yeah, it's right though because no one knows what's going on in your head, no one knows how much your heart aches," I say quietly. "Yeah," she says not listening to me. She grabs the photo of dad off my desk. I quickly get up. She turns around with tears in her eyes. "I heard you talking up here, is it true about everything you said," she ask almost crying. "Mom we are all fighting our own fights.....you don't understand," I say and grab the picture from her hand. "I do understand," she yells. "NO YOU DONT BECAUSE YOU DO NOT KNOW HOW IT FUCKING IT FEELS TO LOSE CONTACT WITH YOUR BEST FRIEND YOU DO NOT KNOW HOW IT FEELS TO FEEL LIKE CRAP AT SCHOOL YOU DO NOT KNOW HOW IT FEELS TO WANT TO DIE MOTHER, SO PLEASE DONT SAY YOU UNDERSTAND," I say yelling back. "D-die," She Stutters. "Yes mother and you don't know how it feels like when the people you love forget your birthday," I holding back tears she stays silent. "You know what I did on my birthday....I went to dads grave and sat there talking to him," I say. "I lost him too he was the love of my life," she says sadly. "I understand that,but I also lost him mother he was my dad," I say trying not to yell. She starts slapping me. "I FUCKING LOVED HIM, HE LEFT ME ALONE IN THIS WORLD HOW DO YOU RHINK I FEEL," she says while hitting me. She hits me so hard I feel a nose bleed coming out. Micheal comes bursting through the doors. He holds her back. My sister comes in crying. She is calling jack. A few minutes later mom is downstairs with Micheal and Jack is with my sister calming her down. I go to the bathroom and see the bruises she left. I can't cry anymore. I am done crying. I don't feel emotions right now. I feels numb. I lay down and go to sleep. I wake up to my alarm. I noticed that Jack stayed the night. Oh well. I look like a piece of shit. I go downstairs and see jack eating cereal in the dinning room. I walk right past him and toward the kitchen. I make my self a vegan breakfast. We eat In silence. I feel my busted lip. I wince in pain. "I am sorry for what happened," he says looking into my eyes. I shrug .  I finish eating and brush my teeth. Emily walks in while I put my piercing back in. "Mommy hit you sissy I sorry," she says with puppy eyes. "It's okay, but promise me one thing," I say quietly. "That when I am longer here with you, you will look up at the stars and choose the brightest one and that one will be me," I continue. She nods . She walks out of my room and into my moms. I change I to this👇

I walk out of my room when I finish.  I absolutely love my outfit. Anyways today is the last day I will be attending this school for two years or so. I honestly don't care, i am going to see them tomorrow at sophies party....yasss. Anyways I decide to do my makeup because what other way will I hide all the bruises. Also when I say I did my makeup it's really just foundation and concealer on my bruises. After I am done I grab my backpack, I see my mom in her robe holding coffee In her hand while tears go down her cheek. She looks up. She stares at me deeply. "Hey," she says quietly. I just wave and walk out the door. Micheal stops me. "Yes," I say roughly. "Be easier on your mom please," He says while holding my wrist tightly that it's starting to hurt. What's up with people hurting me these days . I look up and look into his eyes. "Of course after all she didn't do anything to me," I say sarcastically and walk toward the bus stop. I stand there alone until Jack gets there. "Hey," He says quietly. "Hey," I say. "Daniel contacted me yesterday night," he says. My heart starts hurting. He reached out to Jack but not me. "Okay and," I say acting like I don't care, but in reality I really do. "He said he misses you," he continues. "Nice," i say looking through Instagram. "Here's his phone number, please text him, he needs you," he says and walks toward his other friends. I look at the number. He wants to talk to me? I feel happy about it. I quickly dial the number into my phone. A couple of rings later...
Me: hello?
Daniel:who's this?
Me: Lilly....
Daniel: Lilly is that really you?
L:yeah
D:look I have to go but I will call you later.
L:ok-
He hangs up. I am smiling like an idiot. *aftrr school*
I ride the bus in the afternoon, but during the whole ride i wondering if he is going to come back. If he does and I am not here what will happen? I sigh. After I get off the bus I decide to call him. As the phone rings I look back and see Sophie and Jack walking together. I roll my eyes.
D: hey Lilly.
L: hey Daniel.
D: I am sorry that left, but I really had too.
L: were you not allowed to talk to me.
D: I-I am sorry.
L:it's okay.
I catch Daniel up on what has been going on.... I hang up on him when I am walking into the house. My is standing there. I walk the other way. I don't care anymore tbh. Daniel is the only reason I want to live now....but at the same time I still want to die....