Chess Piece

Let It All Out

There was something different in the way people looked at her.

Her suspicion laid mostly on the fact that the date of her birthday was soon be upon them, merely a few days before Christmas and she had to hold herself back from scoffing at it every time she was reminded that of course the Queen who bear the power of ice and snow was to be born on the Winter Solstice, and although she was not a fan of any sort of celebration, the amount of people that would surround her still sent shiver down her spine, as the reigning Queen she could no longer hide away in her bedchamber and celebrated it alone.

Granted, she had never actually celebrated her turning of age ever since what had happened, there was no reason to when she could not have her sister to blow the candles with her, gifts were given to her and her parents often urged her to be more ecstatic about it, but she just couldn't. Not when that day would only make her feel even lonelier.

Yet now her Council had insisted that there was to be a ball, if not for her birthday then for Christmas, and she was partly glad that they did not pressure her to have two separated events for occasions that were merely three days apart.

It had been something that bothered her mind too, if she was to be honest, for her Council seemed to be giving her some sort of ease that they usually would not do. There was no pressure, no urges that would usually give her a headache whenever she returned back from rather heated meetings. Perhaps she had looked so terrible with her illness that they had considered giving her some breathing space, though her nausea had thankfully decreased in within a week and now she was mostly back to her own self.

"Perhaps they realized that pressuring you would not do anything but add to your stress." Her afternoon had not been cramped with schedules and she had found herself preferring to read inside the castle's library as she waited for dinner time instead of doing her work, just for today, and Hans had offered his company so she would not be so alone in such a big place. "Stress would only complicate things anyway."

His way of speaking gave an unsettling feeling for her, as if he was referring to something that she should know but not. "It's just... strange." With her fingers finding their way tangling through his auburn hair as he laid his head on her lap, she noted how his hand held her free one close to his face. "How do you celebrate your birthday, back in the Southern Isles?" He has a large family, she could only imagine how often celebrations must be held in his kingdom, not to mention how each of his older brothers all have families too.

"I don't really celebrate it, actually." His answer made her brows furrowed further, the moment of silence that had come before it was no better either. "I do not think my father found it necessary to." There were similarities that they shared together more than she had once thought, for although for different reason, they somewhat lived such isolated lives. His head turned then, to look at her, with a smile on his face as he placed her hand on his chest, right over where his heart beats. "But of course, it's different when it comes to you, you're the Queen."

Yet sometimes she found herself wishing that she was not.

--

She truly could not avoid how reality loved to toy with her.

The ball had started in the similar fashion as her coronation one had, with her presence being announced as she walked through the doors, followed by her husband and then last but not least her sister. Although this time the feeling that she had within her had been different, much improved if she dared to say. During her coronation she had been feeling so alone, her sister had been present and so did Hans, back when he was still nothing but her betrothed, confused and overwhelmed with the thought of awaiting expectations that lay before her. Now, she had her husband with the knowledge of her deepest secret yet, and her sister had warmed up to her more than she had once dared hope, thus why her heart had felt lighter than it had been back then.