Mistaken // Ryden

Chapter eleven

-Brendon-

"Hey," Ryan says when I walk in. I smile a bit, then sit down. "You okay?" I shake my head. The whole Kenny thing is stuck in my mind. He moves closer and places his hand on my shoulder. I wrap my arms around his waist, finally allowing myself to cry. He holds me, and my grip tightens on his shirt.

"What's wrong, Bren?" He asks calmly. 

"It feels like all of this is my fault," I say shakily.

"It's not, Bren. You know it's not. Listen, you're an amazing person, none of this could have been your fault. I think you're the best and you're doing all that you can and that's more than enough," he tells me. I look at him, look into his pretty brown eyes. He stares into mine, and I feel calmer. I think at the same time, our eyes move down to each other's lips. I swallow nervously and yet I still feel beyond excited.

"I love your freckles," he says quietly, and I look down instinctively. He places his finger under my chin and makes me look back up at him. "You're still... really, really cute. I don't think that'll ever change," he tells me.

And that's when it hits. 

The thought, out of nowhere,

I didn't fall in love with Ryan all over again.

I never stopped being in love with him. 

I lean forward, pressing my lips against his. Something clicks in my mind, almost like it's saying "it's about time". 

He kisses back. I can't read his emotions, but I know that maybe he wants me as much as I want him. His lips are as soft as they used to be. He's changed and yet he hasn't. His clothes and his hairstyle and his shoes have changed, but his skin and his smile and his laugh and his voice hasn't. His hair is still brown and soft, his eyes are still warm and brown, his skin is still soft and pale, his voice is still calm and comforting. He's still perfect.

We pull away slowly, foreheads pressing together.

"Bren?" He asks slightly. 

"Yeah?" I look at him. Fear sinks in my chest.

I blink.

And he's still here. 

We're still close, foreheads pressed together, and we just kissed. 

He pushes forwards, kissing me once again. He feels so real, and it is real. 

"I love you," I say between kissing. "Fuck, I really love you." 

I'm saying it now because if I don't then I won't ever. 

"I love you so much," he says. My heart skips a beat. I kiss him hard, holding him like I'm gonna lose him. I move closer, pulling him close as well. He frowns slightly, and pulls away. I swallow hard. 

"What's wrong?"

"You... are you okay?"

"What?"

"You're holding onto me really tight and you seem upset. Are you still upset about the whole Kenny thing, because-"

"No, I just... I missed you. God, I missed you so much and I-I'm so goddamn in love with you and I just... I don't wanna lose you again. I... I wanna be with you forever and ever and never let you go because you're the best damn thing that's happened to me, and-"

"Marry me," Ryan cuts me off, and I almost gasp. Marry him. I'll marry him. I'll marry him and we can move into another house and start a family, and I'll come home to him and kiss him and hold him while he makes us food. 

"Okay," I say, nodding and smiling as tears form in my eyes. His eyes are glossing up too, and he smiles wide. 

"Right now. Let's just... go somewhere and... get married and it'll just be us. No big fancy wedding, no having to prepare, lets just go and get a ring and find a place to get married," he tells me, and I nod. I don't want a big wedding. He doesn't have family and only has a few friends, and I don't want to wait any longer. Waiting means losing him, we learned that the hard way. Wait until this tour is over, wait until the album is out, wait until my 21st birthday, wait until everyone calms down, wait until the others aren't arguing all the time, I'm done waiting. 

I stand and he does too. I'm gonna marry him. We're gonna get married.