love like fools ➙ glee

twenty-three ; over the rainbow.

* the song sung at carmel high in this chapter is linked above, known as That Jesse Song I Can't Believe Was Actually Cut From the Power of Madonna.

. . . 

"I can't find it!"

Instead of being a gracious soul and helping, Kurt observed Alicia with narrowed eyes from her bed. "What are you so desperately searching for?"

"My happiness."

She was exaggerating. Judging by his eye roll, Kurt knew this. That didn't keep her from frantically flinging clothes out of her top dresser. Gray sweaters and ripped jeans scattered across her bedroom floor. Once or twice, she threw too hard, causing a sweater to smack Kurt square in the chest. 

Something integral to Alicia's life was missing. The most important belonging she'd ever owned. Without it, she didn't know who she was. 

Her songbook was missing.

She couldn't remember the last place she saw it. Everything was so hectic during Regionals, between her own inner revelations, Quinn giving birth, Jesse's offer, and New Directions' swan song. She remembered taking it with her the night of the competition, writing something long forgotten on a scrap of paper, but not if she'd taken it home or left it backstage.

That would destroy her. She wasn't concerned about anyone reading it, that was unlikely, but she'd written in that book for years. Four, to be exact. Alicia without her songbook was a normal person without their head.

Well. Maybe that was a little melodramatic.

An acoustic piano rendition of Lady Gaga's "Bad Romance" played softly in the background. Kurt hummed along, unaffected over the war zone Alicia's bedroom had become. She weighed the pros and cons of throwing a sweater at him intentionally. 

"I've looked everywhere for it." Typically, Alicia wasn't one to complain. Keeping her problems locked up inside was old habit. But this swayed her -- combined with everything else that happened. 

"I don't think you'll find happiness in loose-fitting sweaters and distastefully torn jeans."

She groaned, burying her face in her hands. "Well, I'm not going to find it in Alexander McQueen jackets and scarves, either. Look, I just-- I need my songbook. It's practically my lifeline, I--I don't know who I am without it anymore."

Kurt rose, arms crossed. "You'll either find it or you won't. Either way, it isn't the end of the world." She shot him a blank look. "Well, it isn't! Life goes on, you'll get distracted hopelessly pining after the boy who will likely become my future stepbrother."

Alicia flushed. "This is not about--"

He waved his hand dismissively. She knew Finn was a sore spot for him, too. "Irrelevant as Rachel's disgusting animal sweaters. If this book is so important to you, I suppose I can help your search, but I don't see the point." Another blank look. He sighed. "Fine, fine. Where was the last place you saw it?"

"I know I took it with me to Regionals, but--" Alicia cut off, realization dawning. She knew someone who would've taken it. Especially to lure her into another encounter.

She was going to kill Jesse St. James.

She pursed her lips, determination flashing across her expression. "I think I know who has my songbook."

Kurt hummed. "Are you planning on throwing sweaters from the Gap at them, too?"

"The Gap is a very respectable establishment!"

. . . 

Carmel High was huge.

It wasn't a fancy private school, yet obviously wealthy. The arts department wasn't piling together scraps of money for buses here. Clusters of students appeared to move together in a pack, murmuring under their breath; varying drastically from the loud atmosphere of McKinley High.