Its been 2 and half weeks since Calum and I last spoke.
Calum has been so nice to me but I honestly don't know I just have weird vibes from him.
With Luke my feelings for him are unidentifiable, he has this hold on me that i've never felt before It may not make any sense no matter how many times I try to figuare out whats best.
Something about Luke draws me out, is it the adventure and mystery he charm he conveys or the thrill I have whenever his skin touches mine thats unbearably great.
Then Calum is what I should go for, he's sweet and doesnt have any complications while Luke is just next to impossible.
I need to clear my head and with them and with them both in my life I know that won't happen.
It's been a long time since i've been in a relationship since Matt.
My heart sinks everytime I say or even think of his name.
What seems to be a long time ago I was in a relationship and I thought I was in love.
Keyword- Thought
If you asked me about a year ago about love, I would've go on and on about how it's the greatest feeling what two people share. Two people.
I never had that I believed he loved me. That we both loved each other and I tried my best to fit his life and his style but It never worked.
If you ask me about love now, Still cringe at this point.
Love is a funny thing,and a dangerous thing. Love can blind you, trick you, fool you and persuade you because we all think we need it and crave it when the top important love you havje should be for youself. myself, neglected that.
It was always Matt before myself, he made me feel incredible and I was in love with the idea of love. That's how it always starts out simple, innocent, pure.
There was nothing pure about our relationship, nothing.
A year back I had my boyfriend matt that I met at a party Lainey dragged me to. He was chaming, funny and sweet.
So I thought.
We started seeing each other and everyone would need a love like ours.
Soon the situation was hostil.
He never liked my friends epescially Sam & Brian. He would drink and then thats when he got rowdy
. He came to my house one night and was yelling to the entire world that sat on my lawn and belted out how i'm such a whore that I was unloyal and accused me of being with Brian when he knows Brian & I are only friends and he even met Brian's girlfriend.
Some times when income was bad since he worked at his dad's shop and had just started college to be stressful he would take it out on me.
Flashback
I heard a door slam glass shattering as loud as a new born baby.
"RENEEEEEE GET YOUR FILTHY FUCK OUT HERE I KNOW HE"S IN THERE" I heard being belted out.
Tonight of all nights. The day of our 5 month anniversary
I down staires and saw on the couch sitting there eyeing the vodka bottle in his hand
"Rey." He slurred
"Y-Y-Y-es" I whispered
"Was he here" he gritted out about to break the two teeth that cage the lethal weapon
"W-w-w-ho?" barely able to speak
"SPEAK UP!" yelling bloody murder
" I know he was here, I know all about your unloyal being, you act all innocent you may have everyone fooled but not me sweetcheeks." He spoke
The caricature of his words were vulgar, cruel and abouslety discusting.
"You're my boyfriend I wouldnt do that to you, I-I-love yo-"
"Love doesnt cut it sweetcheeks" he interrupted
"But it does on your wrists" He chuckled darkly as he grasped onto my arms and rolled up my sleeve
"Whats that one for? Spilled milk?" he points to the last mark added
"Or was this- "
"You need to leave." Ashton voice fell as he stood in the doorway
"What if I don't? What are you gonna do?" He spat
Ashton looked at me in the corner in the room crying
His entire attitude changed knuckles turning white eyes darkeining
I closed my eyes for what was to come and I heard a crack and a thump
"HOLY BALLS THAT"S NOT WHAT HAPPENS IN THE MOVIES" Ash yelled
I stayed in the corner when I felt my fagile body getting picked up I held onto ash for dear life as he put me on the bed and went down staires and dragged Matthew's unconcious body outside the house and chucked his keys and locked the door.
I asked Ash to not call the cops. I had my own reasons but mostly I loved him. I shouldn't but I do but that won't change my decision
End of flashback
That night I fell asleep on the bed and Ashton slept against the door just like when we were kids He would sleep agaisnt the door to trap the monsters out.
I really thought I was in love but when someone puts you in a position of self harm everything changes
That's not the last time I saw Matt. He kept on trying to contact me until a month ago. It hurts because I want to reply but I gave up. He reuined love for me with the slap of a hand can do from a football player. He went to UOS with a football scholar ship and lashed out when angry.
It's been a tough year. I'm here but barely holding
My phone went off and in that moment I wish I had gone back and didnt open my phone. I was horrified with what popped up
"Miss me Sweetcheeks?"
DON'T HATE ME I'M SORRY. Well anyways it's been a long time since I've written so why not give it a gander. Yes I just said gander well until the next sweetcheeks
YOU ARE READING
Teenage Dirtbag L.H
FanfictionAs I was walking I tripped over my own two feet waiting for the cold hard floor make contact with my face but it never did I look up and lock eyes with cold blue ones Gold hair Tattoos lip piercing smug look The badboy everyone has been warning me...
