The Life of Riley

Chapter 29: Leo's Baby

***DISTRESSING CONTENT + he's a long one***

"Did Poppy have a baby Uncle Jack?" June questioned, chewing on her toothbrush.

"I'm not talking about it June because I don't know, I don't know anything anymore." Jack sighed. "C'mon time for bed, we've got a rodeo tomorrow, first one for the season." he forced a smile onto his face.

June sighed heavily, "Is Poppy coming in tonight?"

"No June please, it's bed time." Jack yelled.

June drew in a sharp breath, "I'm sorry."

She slipped into her bedroom without a sound, and Jack sank to his knees. His heart wrenched, his nose prickled and tears really started to fall. He sat on the floor of his bathroom and cried.

About half an hour later, Lochie's heavy fist was banging against the door, he was yelling ordering Jack to open the door. Jack ripped the door open and sank onto the wet shower floor.

"Mate what are you doi- Jack are you alright?" Lochie furrowed his eyebrows and sat down beside the door of the shower, concerned for the man beside him.

"I sat at that dining table for almost 9 hours today, waiting for you to come home, waiting and waiting. I didn't know where Poppy was, I had no idea who Leo was and when June got home school I couldn't let that dickhead see her. Fucking hell, I yelled at her, shit June!" Jack threw himself to his feet, tears still falling.

"Jack calm down, she's asleep mate." Lochie grabbed his shoulder.

Jack sighed as he leaned against the door frame, "Why didn't anyone tell me about that baby Lochie?"

"I'll be honest with you Jack, we didn't think you'd stay," Lochie said, "and it isn't something we enjoy talking about, first Joel, then Leo, the little baby, then Mrs Hughes, Jack it was the most excruciatingly painful time of our lives," Lochie explained, his voice cracking with every word.

Jack sniffed, "Four funerals and no wedding."

"Exactly, there weren't any smiles, then you and that little girl came into our lives and everything changed." Lochie got to his feet and pulled Jack to his.

"We need you mate," He pulled Jack into an embrace.

"How long was she pregnant for after Leo died?" Jack asked.

"These are questions you've got to ask her," Lochie pulled away, "and i'd do it now."

Jack's breath hitches; "look after the kid, tell her I'm sorry if she wakes up."

"Go get her Jack."
•••

"Poppy," Jack mumbled, knocking on the door of the basement. "Open the door please."

"Bugger off Jack." Poppy's broken sob broke his heart.

Jack opened the heavy door, and stepped into the cool room. She buried her head into the pillow and he sighed.

"I think you owe me an explanation." Jack said softly, clambering onto the bed beside her and resting his hand on the small of her back.

She curled into his body, nestling her head into his shoulder and wrapped her arm around his torso.

"I'm so sorry Jack," She cried.

"I've nearly know you all a year, you know almost everything about me and June but here I am, oblivious to the fact you had a little baby, that you held and cried over." Jack explained sadly.

Poppy rolled off the bed and pulled out a trunk from under her bed, she opened it and revealed a photo album. It was baby blue and as she returned to the bed, she kissed it softly.

"I was 38 weeks pregnant when Leo 'died', god I remember sitting at the dining table and just crumbling. I didn't move for three days and I only moved because I went into labour. Even then I took, Eddie, Lochie, Dad and Rachel to drag me out to the car. I kicked and screamed the whole way to Jindabyne and then some more once I was in the hospital. Anyway, after a while I gave up, my whole body was so exhausted that eventually I passed out. While I was out, they took me into have a c-section because i couldn't give birth unconscious but I woke up on the operating table and gave birth right there on the table." Poppy sighed and flicked open the photo album.

"This photo is of the first time they put the baby on my chest, he was screaming, just like I was screaming, they tell me he is a little boy and my heart shatters, in my head it was like God had reproduced Leo in the form of his son and these tears, these uncontrollable, unstoppable, heart wrenching tears just came streaming down my face, but I couldn't stop smiling, it was like my whole life had finally been completed. I felt like I could die in peace because I'd given the world something important." She said, smiling at the photographs of the tiny little pink baby that lay in her arms. Poppy wished in that moment that it had been Jack, standing beside her, holding her hand and the head of their son.

Jack couldn't take his eyes off the photographs, the smiling woman on the cold bed, in the freezing hospital warmed every inch of his heart.

"So, this baby is so healthy, he was screaming, what happened to him?" Jack asked.

"Well, about 30 hours later he stopped feeding, I thought he was just full but when he didn't drink a few hours later I asked the nurse and she said not, he's still getting used to it all and that if his anything changed, let her know." Poppy explained. "Leo said the baby lived for a day and a half, well it was a bit longer than that. Anyway, I started to feel lethargic and groggy while this was all going on so I put the baby down and the two of us fell asleep. I woke up at around 2 maybe 3 in the morning to feed the baby and he isn't there, my body is aching and attached to cords and a heart monitor." Poppy could feel her heart racing, her head spun as she relived the experience.

"The nurse came back in once I started screaming, with the baby, she pushes me back onto the bed and hands me the baby. Almost as soon as I sit down the baby just stopped breathing, he just stopped breathing Jack I didn't know what to do, he went floppy in my arms and he died right there. God, I've never cried so hard or wailed so loud in my life, Jack." She fell into his arms and screamed into his chest, tears were streaming down their faces.

"For hours I sat there just screaming Jack, Dad, the girls even Loch and Ed came in to try and console me but there wasn't anything anyone could do for a tiny little boy with a clogged heart and a bleed on his brain. My heart stopped twice that day, literally, while I was asleep and then again after they took him off me. It killed me Jack, it actually killed me." Poppy cried.

"What did I do wrong Jacky? Why does it happen to me? He was so perfect, his eyes and nose and little mouth, I didn't even name him."

Jack's emotions got the better of him in that moment, he pressed his lips against hers and held her damp cheeks in his hands.
"I promise you Poppy Hughes, to love you through everything, whether it be a baby or a bush fire, that baby is just as much apart of my life as it is yours. I love you so much and there isn't anything that will change that, but sort Leo out he deserves to know what happened too."

Poppy nodded and kissed him again.