Goodbye...Tracy Beaker

'To Whom It May Concern'

Eventually arriving at Carlucios I walk in to see Cam her eyes are bloodshot she looks like she hasn't slept in weeks

'thanks for coming' she says to me 'no problem' I say noticing the drink she had ordered..Tracys favourite

'I'll have the same please' I say smiling as they bring over a hot chocolate with marshmallows and whipped cream with chocolate flaky bits on top 'she knew how to drink in style' I say smiling

Cam laughs 'yeah she does' she says 'I can't get used to it mike I can't speak about her in the past tense it doesn't feel real..' she says I take her hand

'me either' I say wanting to tell her I saw Tracy but I can't 'anyway..I need your help would you mind coming back to the flat for a minute?' She asks me

I nod giving her a reassuring smile and we walk out together to Cams car I text Gina telling her I'd be quite a while and turn off my phone for her reply

I knew she would be annoyed she never liked Tracy..well she never showed any signs of caring about her

We eventually get back to Cams house after a long silence 'so what needs doing?' I say smiling Tracys room remained untouched

I walk in the smell of her perfume still lingered jewellery all over the place bed unmade and a right mess and posters all over the place her laptops still on

I shake the mouse and her next column pops up it was amazingly written she was a brilliant writer always had been 'I found this' Cam says behind me I turn round to face her and she holds out a flowery box

We both go sit in the living room and open it inside are letters to each of the kids at the dumping ground including me and a letter for cam and Seth and another one titled 'to whom it may concern' I say pulling it out placing the letters in my bag

There's a note 'these letters are to people I consider/are already family I'm planning to update them over the years hopefully I'll still be at the dumping ground for as long as I live with all of you - Tracy xx' I feel tears rolling down my cheeks reading this

I go through the letters one by one and arrange them before picking up the anonymous one I unscroll it and read it aloud

'to whom it may concern there will come a time where I'm not here anymore the world without the Beaker many will be grateful for the peace' I read Cam laughs 'you have no idea' she says smiling

'but those who truly care about me including all the kids and mike..and you Cam you were the greatest mum I could ask for...within this letter I'm showing you my funeral plans..I hate to talk about death because it's such a horrible topic to discuss but it needs to be organised and there will be a day where the grim reaper comes knocking on my door and I've had it all planned out for months now

Funerals are a celebration of life and so I want nobody wearing black Come in crazy colours! Go wild! Feathers flowers you name it! Tell carmen especially she can turn up as pink as she likes! Now Cam already knows what my clothes are going to be since we've talked about it once before the music is going to be mostly lively like I said it's a celebration of my life...I don't want anyone to know I was ever weak or vulnerable

But I was..Mike knows more than most

'You never let me in Trace' I say getting emotional before starting to read again clearing the lump in my throat

Days by Kirsty MacColl will be playing as you all walk me in it's just so symbolic and I genuinely won't forget a single day I hope you don't either

'We won't tracy' I whisper I was struggling to keep it together

And 'Feeling Good' by Muse will be playing when you walk me out because not only is it ironic but it's one of my favourite songs

Guests? As long as Justine Littlewood is nowhere near I'll be fine with whoever! Haha

I could hear her laughter while writing that part

I just want everyone to have a good time. So say and do whatever would make you all happy..because you all made me happier than I ever imagined..The Dumping Ground gave me another shot at life..I'll be forever grateful to Mike for giving me that job.

Mike was my lifeline and Cam was my lifetime.

Two very special things. And two very special people.

I won't forget any of you. I promise.

Remember it's all just one big adventure really.

Live big,love well. And remember me when I was happy..I don't want you all to get sad

Mike. Take good care of Cam. And yourself..don't let the kids be upset forever

I love you all..

- Tracy Beaker xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

She couldn't let go. I could tell by the amount of kisses..writing that would have been so hard

'She had big plans..how am I gonna cope Mike'

She crumbles and I comfort her as best I can

'There's something you need to know..you need a special goodbye' I say

She raises her head confused

'What do you mean?' She asks me

I take a deep breath she needed to know

'I saw Tracy' I say