Proud In Life

Chapter 10: Proud In Life

  Selfishly, Mickey had rather been enjoying Svetlana's absences recently. He had no clue where she went but he didn't give a fuck, no though with Ian in bed... Taking care of Yev ad suddenly become very hard, he just wanted to be beside Ian all the time making sure that he was okay, him being in bed depressed was just the kind of thing that Fiona must have meant when she was talking about bipolar people getting suicidal. He couldn't have that.

  So there he was rocking Yev in his arms, fingers curled tightly into the baby grow in order to stop them shaking. The baby had been crying more than usual and Mickey wasn't sure if it was because of how tense he had been or because he missed Ian. Hell it had only been five days but it felt like an eternity. He'd managed to get Ian to take his pills when he needed then but the ex-con wasn't all that sure that it was useful as these things had obviously failed. 

  He had gotten Ian to drink for the first time the day before and the relief of it had him on the verge of tears- but only the verge because despite how gay he was these days he was still a Milkovich. He had handed Ian the water with his meds and his beautiful love had taken it in shaking hands, sipping on it with Mickey's help. After he had then been able to get Ian to the bathroom. He was able to piss and then Mickey had drawn him bath and washed him. The whole time Ian had protested, when he had first lifted him it had been with weak shoves at his chest and muttered objections. By the end it seemed his red head only had the energy to occasionally shy away from his touch and when Mickey tucked him back into bed a thin hand came up and dragged the blanket back over his head. 

  So far today he hadn't got any reaction but "Go away" and it was almost worse now after what he thought was progress the day before. Looking down at his son in his arms he saw the boy was asleep again, face buried in his neck. His heart warmed slightly at the sight but he had to put the kid down. Once he'd done that he came back into the kitchen just in time to see the screen of Ian's phone light up on the counter. He didn't know why but he'd kept Ian's phone charged- maybe out of habit or maybe because of some deeper physiological bullshit.

  Looking at it he saw an Instagram notification so he unlocked the phone and opened the app. There was a message from some girl asking Ian "When are you next going to post about your beautiful family?". That was when he started to look through Ian's posts, eyes popping when he saw the number of people following his fiancee. All of the pictures- each one getting thousands of likes- were of Mickey, Yev and Ian. They were pictures and videos that Mickey had no idea his fiancee had taken, all of them together...

  It was beautiful. He had to sit down at the table as he looked through the pictures, most of them were him and Yev. They, along with their captions, showed just how much Ian loved them both and it was... It was what he needed to see when Ian was in the other room lying in bed unable to get up because he was so depressed.

  Scrolling through he saw pictures and videos of their everyday life. Sweet little moments like the three of them curled together in Mickey and Ian's bed. There was one where Mickey was reading with Yev in his arms, taken as a selfie with Ian leaning in and another one where Yev was asleep on Mickey's chest. There were videos of Ian cooing to Yev and one where Mickey was playing with the boy in the garden on a sunny day.

  All of the comments were glowing and Ian answered with how much he loved them, how they were so special and precious that he had to share this. By the time he got to the first one- one of Ian kissing Yev's cheek- he found that there were tears running down his face as he silently cried. Looking at how happy they were and how beautiful and pure Ian's smile was made him wish for his fiancee right then.

  After a moment he pushed himself up from the table and set the phone down before making his way over to his and Ian's room. Opening the door and standing in the doorway, he watched Ian as he lay in bed. As ever the blanket was drawn all the way up so that it covered everything including that bright red hair that Mickey loved so much. The blanket was moving slightly as Ian breathed but other than that the room was sickeningly still and silent.

  Eventually, Mickey pushed himself off of the door frame and made his way over to the bed, crawling carefully onto it so as not to jostle the man already there. With shaking hands he scrubbed at his face so that Ian wouldn't see that he was crying- he had to be strong for him right now- and then pulled the blanket down from Ian's head.

  Ian was facing away from him but from the first time in days he didn't flinch away as Mickey ran his fingers through that slightly greasy red hair. He took confidence from it and shuffled forwards tentatively so that he was lying behind Ian as the big spoon, after another long second he gently rested his arm over Ian's side. The moment that he realised Ian was going to allow his touch was the moment he almost sobbed in relief. He hated it so much that Ian couldn't stand his touch like this when all he wanted to do was bundle him up in his arms.

  "I saw your Instagram," Mickey told him quietly. Ian tensed in his arms then but he didn't pull away. Did he hide it from Mickey on purpose?

  "I saw how many people liked those photos and videos and shit. It was all three of us, our little family. We always look so happy in your posts. So happy Ian and you post those everyday. Means we're happy and loving everyday. I... I fucking know okay that you can't help this shit right now and that none of it is your fault. I can't believe right now that you are letting me touch you and I want you to know how glad and how proud I am that you're letting me. Just... those posts they show how wonderful our life is together and how beautiful it all is and all that stupid faggoty shit that I used to hide from and now I love and cherish," Mickey said, taking a deep breath before continuing," I want you to know that and remember how special it is because then you can think about it, about how much you love Yev and how much you love me. Then you think about how much we both love you back cause when you get up and you're feeling better we'll be here. We'll always be here. You're Yev's dad and you're gonna be my husband. You're gonna make those posts till we're old any grey and they'll go from being about you and me and Yev to about the three of us and Yev's kids or about maybe another kid we might have. Can you imagine that Ian? Our family getting bigger over the years and how amazing that'll be. I am so proud of us. We've got this thing going on, so much to be proud of in our life Ian. So much to look forward to in the future."

  He had to stop then if only for a moment because he was picturing it and it did sound amazing. Him and Ian being grandads or getting a kid that was just theirs... Him and Ian growing old and grey together, at an age that Mickey never thought he'd reach before. Breathing in the smell of his fiancee though as they lay in the bed together... he knew they could do it.

  "I love you so so much Ian and I'll be here with you through thick and thin till the day I die," Mickey promised.

  He felt Ian begin to shake then, sobs escaping his mouth. Over the past few days he'd seen Ian cry but before it had been silent tears marring his lovely face. Now he was sobbing and Mickey felt his heart stop as Ian's hand came up and wrapped around his wrist to pull him closer.

  "I love you so so much okay," he reinforced, heart pounding as he squeezed Ian gently, placing a kiss into his hair, "So much."