Kentrell
"She wanted to be cremated."
I stated for the 3rd time to make sure everyone was hearing me.
"We're not burning her into ashes Kentrell." My aunt spoke up. "Just like everyone in this family, she will have a traditional funeral."
I clenched up my jaw trying my best to keep my behavior "adult-like" for the sake of my mom.
She would hated it if I didn't "ReSpECT mY ElDeRS" but she would also hated it if they put her dead body in a casket to be on display.
I honestly wouldn't be able to handle seeing her like that either.
Stiff, lifeless and her face plastered in some trash ass makeup-it would scar me.
Taymor slid his hand in mine connecting them as I sat there trying so hard to bite my tongue as they began to talk about places to have the funeral instead of the memorial that Ma would've preferred.
Just being around them reminded me why I didn't associate with my family a lot and now that my mom is gone I hope that I will never have to again.
She was the only thread that connected me to my Grandma and my aunts, cousins and uncles but with her being gone the resentment was building even higher.
I couldn't take it anymore.
"Why the fuck did y'all even invite me here if y'all ain't listening to what the fuck I gotta say?" I asked interrupting everybody.
They all turned to me with dumbfounded looks as Taymor whispered something about calming down but I ain't wanna hear it right now.
"Fuck all this." I spat.
"Just give her what she wanted man damn!"
"Kentrell baby-
"No." I shook my head at my so-called aunt who I had only seen maybe 3 fucking times in my life.
"If y'all don't do it how she wanted it-I will not be there."
"You're her only son." My uncle felt the need to point out as if that wasn't known.
"and as her only son I said: what I said."
"THATS ENOUGH BOY!"
Grandma slammed her hand on the table making me look over at her.
I really don't like her the most but my momma would've whooped my ass over that one.
"I'll be damned if I sit up here and listen to that talk from your mouth." She scolded.
"You ain't running nothing around here."
I huffed.
"Your mother is having a tradition funeral followed by a traditional burial and you will be there." She demanded.
"How much you wanna bet that I'm not?"
㊉
"Do you think I'm wrong?" I asked Taymor as he rested his head in my lap.
"Be honest."
He sighed.
"I don't know."
"I mean it is your mother and I wouldn't want you to miss something like this and regret it later on but...you do have a point." He explained.
"Whatever you choose, I support it."
"If you wanted to, you could just spend the day of the funeral with me and Nick and tell us about all the memories you had of her and stuff, you know?"
"That sounds way better than some fuck ass funeral." I admit. "But you're right about the fact that I could end up regretting not going to it."
Taymor didn't respond so the room just fell quiet again as I began to think about my decision and everything else.
Lately I've just been feeling overwhelmed as fuck about life. My moods have been dabbling from anywhere to anger, and frustration to sadness and even joy.
Just a little while ago when I found out about Nick having a son I was too excited for him. We spent that whole day looking at names and planning out future birthdays and shit for a baby that was barely even 5 months developed.
It actually pulled me out of thinking about my mom for a little while but afterwards-the feeling had got worse.
I even kinda started seeing Nick as my mom in a way when I thought about how my mom did it without my father too. It was all just upsetting me the more and more I thought about it.
Waking up everyday, I was always hit with the reminder that my mom was dead within the first few seconds of my consciousness and it never left my mind.
Taymor had been there for it all which I lov-APPRECIATED him for but something was off right now.
I just wasn't feeling it.
The relationship thing.
It just felt like another burden at the moment that I didn't need.
No Taymor wasn't the problem, it was the fact that my mind was so focused on everything else that I felt like I wasn't being the boyfriend I should be and I couldn't do that right now.
He'd act all understanding about it too and it was starting to become annoying.
I didn't need to be babied by him or constantly reminded of the fact that that he was "supportive" and "here for me".
I just wanted...I don't know honestly.
Everything was so confusing.
"My moms been tripping like I'm not grown or something." Taymor spoke up, mugging the messages on his phone.
"I'll come home when I want."
"You do still live in their house baby." I reminded him. "And you haven't been home in...I don't even know how many days."
He kissed his teeth.
"It's not like they even care when I am in there. They barely even acknowledge me half the time."
"I just wanna stay with you." He admitted.
"I need to be her-
"Nah." I cut him off.
"I'm taking you home in a few."
He looked at me briefly before nodding understandingly which was an action I wasn't expecting.
He usually puts up a bigger protest but I guess there he goes again with that sympathetic shit that Im starting to hate so much.
"But before you take me home..." he paused.
"C-Can we try something?"
