sweater weather ↠ markle

ten ↠ the panic room

Maya's P.O.V.

Feet carried me quickly through the halls, arms pushing through and forcing others to part the sea of crowding and suffocating high school students. I needed to get away. One by one, the pieces of this story were colliding and enclosing me in a capsule I refused to be sealed into. Piece by piece, this high school was making a pawn out of me.

I had to make it through the day. That was my only goal. No matter how many whispers fly my way, or how many giggles curse my ears, I was going to get through today and be done with it. Then wash rinse and repeat until Friday finds it's way to me.

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Class after class, my mind remained in a whirlwind, hours flying by with nothing but cashmere and silver cars racing in my mind. I tried my hardest to burn them away, even attempting to participate in Arts and Humanity. That little action caused quite the look from Mr. James, as if everything in the world had flipped and I was a star student. Checking my grades in the middle of the next class, I had seen a +50 participation points from him. A form of encouragement, I guess.

But nothing worked. Everything I had tired, it all led back to the thought of that boy. It wasn't just him, no, it was the questions surrounding him.

Between classes, I heard whispers in the hallway, following me through the corridors and refusing to quiet. Snickers were common, eyes burning into my head as I raced by, desperately trying to find a place to hide.

My heart raced a mile a minute, my breath fled my lips and I couldn't find the oxygen to breathe.

I was having a panic attack.

What was wrong with me? Rumors had never hurt the great Maya Hart, they hardly ever made a dent, the most rousing thing to happen would be a shout, an angered outburst, but never something like this.

I found my way to the bathroom, I don't know how, but once I got inside I locked myself away in the stall and let the world pass by. I had to breathe, I knew this, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't seem to shake it.

All I could think of was what people were saying, their eyes all over me with demeaning gazes and mocking laughter. I was suddenly thrown into the spotlight, and it was all because of Farkle Minkus.

"Fuck!" I gasped, my hands pressed flat and rough against the metal walls of the stall. My breathing was shaky, in spurts, and I could barely see two feet in front of me. "Just--- calm the fuck down, Maya." My self pep talk was nothing short of a failure, my words coming out broken and heavy. "Just, breathe---"

"Maya?"

My eyes flew open and my breath halted for a moment. I'd recognize that voice anywhere. Riley.

Almost instantly, I was sent back into a frenzy. I failed to reply, my breathing only becoming louder shallower, the strain in my chest nearly too much to bear.

No matter how silent I tried to be, it was no use as the footsteps reared closer to my stall.

"Maya? Is that you? I know you don't want to see me, but... are you okay?"

I cursed myself between shallow breaths, but my concern wad less towards the girl hidden behind the door, and more on the fact that I was beginning to shake and I wasn't sure how to stop.

I could hear the echo of her voice in my head, but it was muffled by my own breathing. Before I even knew what was happening, the stall door was being flung open and I was enveloped in the arms of someone I have not felt in years. Someone I wasn't entirely sure I wanted to see in this moment.

But among the screaming in my mind and my failing attempts to calm myself down, I did the one thing I had least expected.

I hugged her back.

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Hi!! This is late, as always, but I got muse when I put on my spotify and one of my favorite songs came on.

Also, I haven't had a panic attack in years, nor could I ever figure out if what I was having was a panic attack or an anxiety attack, so if anything that I wrote is not accurate, I really am sorry! I mean no offense to anyone, I promise.

This chapter was inspired by Panic Room by Au/Ra! If youf like to listen to it, or if youre curious, you can find the link here: https://open.spotify.com/track/7uUahoeqGNRMbpdeiLj1rS?context=spotify%3Auser%3Aspotify%3Aplaylist%3A37i9dQZF1DXbrUpGvoi3TS&si=BqJNRk9dRfed4TCOm6WHqw

As always, like, comment, and vote!

- dani <3