broken waves ⚣ taekook

nine

Taehyung squinted his eyes uncomfortably as he opened one of them to find the sun shining right at his face. He used his hand to balance him as he lifted his body up and used his other hand to rub his eyes harshly, trying to get used to the darkness. He almost has a heart attack when he realizes that there was somebody next to him on the bed and when he realizes its Jungkook, he has another heart attack for a completely different set of reasons. 

Last night comes flooding back into Taehyung's mind as soon as he sees Jungkook's face, his eyes closed, mouth parted slightly and his bare chest heaves up and down. Last night, Jungkook held him and he worshipped him. Jungkook made Taehyung feel all kinds of pleasure, feel all kinds of different emotions he's never felt before. He made him feel beautiful, perfect, worthy and most of all, important. 

But Jungkook probably only did it to make Taehyung feel better, the elder concludes. The younger must have felt pitiful that his old love didn't work on and offered a temporary distraction. But last night, before they shared their intimacy, Taehyung felt this feeling, felt as if someone was pulling at his heart strings just the right way when he looked at Jungkook. There was this inner desire bubbling up inside of him that forced him to kiss back. What was that feeling? Does he like Jungkook? More than a friend?  

Taehyung almost scoffs out loud. The thought seems ridiculous to him but the more he ponders, the more he sees it as not so ridiculous. It is completely plausible actually. Taehyung had always admired Jungkook, loved him even. But it's just as he loves all the other band mates and his family and friends. Its platonic. But yesterday. Yesterday proves that all to be wrong. 

Because if it was just platonic, he would have never kissed back. He would have stopped and demanded why Jungkook kissed him in the first place. But he didn't because he let that inner urge within himself get the best of him and that feeling to be loved took over. The feeling to be loved. Ever since Ji Won passed away, Taehyung felt as if no one was going to hold him close again. He wanted to be protected, wanted to be held on to, didn't want anyone to let go of him. 

And maybe that's why Taehyung said that he wanted a distraction. Because he needed it. Because he was so desperate for some sort of protection and love. And Jungkook was right there, kissing him with his warm lips, making him feel loved, protected, like he was home. 

And what he felt last night with Jungkook, Taehyung can bet he didn't feel with anyone else. Ji Won was special, but they didn't have a close bond like Jungkook and Taehyung had. Theirs was love on first sight, sudden and she died before Taehyung could even have a chance to build on a strong relationship. Maybe that's what really broke him apart, not even being able to build on a relationship before it got destroyed. 

Besides, Ji Won and Taehyung never got more intimate than kissing and rare, very very rare make out sessions. What Taehyung felt yesterday was really very new, and it felt amazing. Maybe that's just him talking in the aftermath of sex but he remembers vividly how Jungkook made him feel last night. The pleasure and the pain was overwhelming, Jungkook's kisses to his neck were intimate, his hickeys were lingering and Taehyung could almost feel his lips again, marking his skin. 

So maybe Taehyung does have feelings for the younger, but it is too early to tell now, Taehyung convinces himself. It probably felt amazing because Taehyung didn't have sex for a long time, but thats also a lie. 

A distraction. That's all that last night was. A distraction. 

Taehyung keeps reminding himself that, even though his heart aches with the thought. 

🚬 

When Jungkook wakes up, he finds the bed empty but traces of Taehyung's presence are there that confirms that last night did indeed happen. When he manages to get out of the comfortable kind sized hotel suite, he heads to the smaller bathroom, one without a shower to brush quickly. He then heads for the bigger bathroom to take a shower and, as if on cue, Taehyung walks out. He has a bathrobe around his body signifying that he had just taken bath. Jungkook's breath gets taken out of him for a second because Taehyung just looks so... good. 

Blonde hair matted onto his forehead, water dripping down his hair and onto his face reminds him of their night earlier, where the water was replaced with sweat. Jungkook then lets his eyes wander down into the low v neck of Taehyung's bathrobe and he sees just enough chest to force him to look back into Taehyung's eyes, a light blush appearing already. 

"I'll just-" Jungkook stammers and Taehyung lets out a deep breath. 

"Jungkook, listen. What happened last night, it was just a distraction. And thank you, really, for helping me forget," Taehyung says, his hands tightening behind his back with the bittersweetness of the lie. 

"It's no problem. I'm glad I could help," Jungkook says, his own forming into a fist as he walks into the bathroom and steps into the shower. He feels hot water drip down his body and after a few minutes, he really can't make out the difference between the shower water and his own tears. 

🚬 

The ride back to Seoul was awkward to be completely honest. Taehyung and Jungkook rarely talked, and even if it was for just the bare necessities. It felt forced and so they stopped trying after some time, working with the silence. Taehyung didn't lean on Jungkook's shoulder this time around and he didn't laugh. 

By the time they reached their dorms, it was just in time for lunch and apparently their hyungs had gone out to get some lunch. Jungkook texts them saying that they are back home and Jin replies in an instant, saying that they'll be back home in twenty minutes with Chinese takeout. At that, they say and an awkward bye and go to their rooms. 

Once inside, Jungkook blinks rapidly, trying to stop tears from making it past his eyes and he fails, tears rolling down his cheek. He isn't full out sobbing but he is sad. There's this pain in his chest that he hasn't felt before, this weird tug at his heart that hurts when he thinks about what happened a few hours earlier. He didn't expect Taehyung to be so blunt about their time the previous night. Distraction. 

But at least Jungkook distracted the elder. It was better than nothing, he thinks to himself. He helped him forget about Ji Won. But it wasn't better. He felt like a rebound, like a one night stand. And that's probably what he was. Just a temporary solution. 

And he doesn't know why but Jungkook walks out the door, not angry but just sad as he exits the dorm. Taehyung comes out of his room just in time to see Jungkook walk out and before he can call out for the younger, the door closes and Jungkook's out the door. 

When Taehyung walked out, he wanted to patch up things with Jungkook and he didn't really know how but he wanted to because he couldn't stomach their morning. It was weird really for them to have shared such an intimate night just a day ago and completely ignore it. It didn't seem right. 

And it didn't seem right that Taehyung had referred to their time as a distraction. It was a lie, because Jungkook made him feel so much more than what he was ready to admit. But he wanted to make sure that Jungkook knew. But he didn't get the chance before the younger was out the door. 

And Taehyung knows that it is now his turn to chase after Jungkook. 

🚬