"Quiet when I'm coming home
I'm on my own.
And I could lie say
I like it like that."
Warning : slight coarse language, objects in skin (not self harm)
I'm exhausted. In every single shape and form imaginable. He's not home again. He never tells me where he's going, just that he'll probably be 'out'.
I sigh taking a little sip of wine. It tastes sweet but not in the same kind of way spring does. I'm admitting now; I have a complete fear of being alone.
Monophobia
I switch off the television and head to the bedroom, wine glass in hand. The need to cry continuously pressing at the backs of my eyes.
Usually Harry will walk in just as I finish crying. Always ready to pick up the pieces. He doesn't deserve me. Only I deserve me.
The tears slip over my cheeks and I sit on the wooden floor next to the bed. He doesn't love me. I choke and put the glass down too hard, shattering it. The only ads to my pain, little glass shards trapped underneath my skin.
"Fuck." I can't see from my glassy vision but I manage to stumble into the bathroom. I run my hand under water before beginning to remove the shards with tweezers.
As I turn off the tap I hear the front door open. There's shuffling downstairs as I hear the click clack of Harry's boots on the floorboards. I dry my hand and walk out of the bathroom back to the bedroom.
Harry comes in only minutes later.
"Hey, sorry I'm late." His voice is inviting yet cold. I wonder how others view him. "I was with will and ed."
"Okay." I say, hinting nothing.
"Are you alright?" He crosses the room to put his arms around me. I always let him.
"Please leave me." I say softly against his chest. "You're so detrimental to my health but I can't seem to do it."
"Oh." Is all he can say.
Then, Harry releases me and begins to scope out the room. He passes a hand roughly through his hair and breathes out.
"Okay. I guess I'm not good for you." He says after some consideration.
"Fuck you, Harry." I won't cry.
"Ca-" He begins.
"No Harry." I cut him off, "I don't think you get to say anything. I don't want you to say anything. I've had enough, please leave me."
He frowns slightly. Then nods, "If that's what you want." I nod, following him out of the room.
He's finished causing me pain.
•
The cover I attached up the top was in my recommended the other week & I really think everyone should see it.
This chapter features a more personal feel. I wrote it after crying a lot.
- A x
