In Real Life ✓

13. I'm So Fucking High

R.I.P. my lungs.

While I coughed all my intestines out, Gilbert quickly took the joint back and lightly patted my back, muttering, "Take it easy. Jesus, you took a big drag."

Shit... Was that bad?

He didn't look concerned, though. He just held his hand to my shoulder for a few seconds and I was nervous enough not to feel the need to brush it off. It was a comforting gesture anyway, I guess.

When I could breathe normally again, I just looked at him sitting there on the broken bench in his garden with a handful of grass between his fingers, and took a step closer, meaning to sit down beside him, before changing my mind. The bench looked like it'd fall down if I joined him on it. He tossed the blades aside and lifted an eyebrow, asking, "Off your socks yet?"

"Is that even a thing people say?" I asked.

He shrugged. "I doubt it, actually."

"How long does it take to start working anyway?"

He shrugged noncommittally, so I ran a hand through my hair and sat down anyway. Thankfully, the bench held.

Hm...

I'd find out whether it was worth it or not soon enough, I guess. I'd already acquired a horribly dry mouth and an acute headache, so I wouldn't say I was very fond of the drug yet. Still, it was my own decision. I could only blame myself if I didn't like it.

"It's always the worst the first time," he said.

"Great. Am I going to regret this?"

"We'll see," he chuckled.

"Why do you do it? Getting high, I mean."

"It's calming," he said, shrugging again, and I frowned at him. Why did he need calming? Before I could ask him about it, though, he said, "So tell me about being DukeCockroach."

I glanced up to the sky with a sigh at his terrible attempt at avoiding the subject. Maybe it was a sensitive subject...

Talking to Gilbert about my Twitter account actually sounded like a great idea, though. Besides Travis and my family, he was the only one I could talk to about it and I couldn't stop thinking of being able to talk about it with everyone. I really wanted that...

"It's pretty amazing," I said and stretched out, feeling my back crack deliciously. I turned to Gilbert with a smile. "It's a huge thing. I mean, I'm almost at thirty million followers now. I never thought I'd get to this point. It's honestly a little overwhelming sometimes, but I love it. I love that there are so many people in the world who like what I do. And I know that, if I told them who I really am, they'd all like... fall down to their knees and praise me or something."

"You think?" he laughed.

I chuckled to myself. "Yeah, definitely. You have no idea how many people have already begged me for stuff like merch, a P.O. box to send me gifts, fan meet-ups, but yeah..."

"Have you really never told anyone besides me?"

"Well, I have been thinking... It's getting kind of annoying to keep it a secret all the time, but revealing myself sounds... scary. Just imagine the backlash I'll get. And before I do that, I should definitely apologize to my friends first." I sighed and wiped my pants with another chuckle. "If you've been following me for a while, you know that I used to post a lot of shit about people at school. It was kinda stupid. They wouldn't be happy to know I said all that. Hey, do we still have pizza?"

"Yeah, there's a few slices left, but—"

"Good, I'm hungry," I said, immediately getting up to walk over to his kitchen. I noticed him following behind and held out a slice to him with a smile. "You want one too?"

"Uh, sure."

I greedily bit into the pizza, even though it wasn't really all that warm anymore, but I was surprised to find that it didn't even taste bad. I frowned at Gilbert and asked, "Did you change the pizza?"

He paused mid-chew. "What?"

For some reason, I found the face he made so incredibly funny that I couldn't help but burst out laughing and I almost choked on my pizza and crashed into the kitchen counter.

Gilbert started laughing too and reached out to move me away from the counter. "Yeah... you're high now."

"Well, that was the point, wasn't it?" I said.

"That's the point, indeed." He lifted his pizza slice, as if it were a glass, and touched it to mine. "To new adventures."

I smiled and slowly repeated, "Yeah, to new adventures..."

New adventures...

As I silently chewed on my pizza, staring at Gilbert, who stared right back at me, it all suddenly became so clear to me.

When I put everything together, I hadn't posted anything mean about anyone on Twitter in a very, very long while, and everybody already knew what school I went to. So yes, if I had done it half a year ago, it would have been a very bad idea, with me posting shit like 'this blonde basic bitch in my class needs to sit her ass down and stfu' and 'I'm sure this boy that just took a seat beside me has bowel problems' and 'the jock of the school is such a jackass he should shoot himself'. Especially Tweets like that last one would not have been appreciated. Even if I was joking.

I'll admit, fifteen-year-old Eve wasn't very smart.

But nowadays? I was respectful and nice and thought twice about what I wanted to say.

Somewhat...

Well, good enough, at least.

I just really wanted to do it! It would be so nice to finally be known as both Eve and DukeCockroach at the same time! To just be open about it. I only had to tell Tamara and Leslie first.

"What are you thinking?" Gilbert asked, breaking the silence.

"I should come out as DukeCockroach."