Gone Away

Consequences

Willow lay quietly in the bed while stating up at the dark ceiling. Thoughts buzzed through her head, crowding her airways. That's one thing that has always happened to the witch all her life, but somehow Tara used to be the noise canceler.

With just one arm wrapped gently around her torso, all the thoughts had receded to the back folder of her mind, leaving all but the one about the blonde in place. In one way or another, Tara really was her everything. And there wasn't a thing Willow wouldn't give or do to just have her lover back in her arms, gently stroking her hair and telling her it was all okay. She couldn't think of just one thing she wouldn't do.

Consumed deeply into her memories of love, she soon fell asleep. At first it was all calm, and not much in the way of dreams going but the memories of the witches playing through her mind. It was just like every other night where Willow is given another chance to fix her mistakes and save the love of her life, or so she thought. The usual dream ended rather abruptly and instead in it's place was something pulled from the darkest creeks of her brain. Darkness surrounded the

witch as she tried desperately make out something in the shadows. Nothing, nothing, until a figure emerged from the blackness.

It was Tara, wearing the same outfit she was killed in and paler and more gaunt than before, making her cheekbones look almost as sharp as Spike's. She stepped forward, stopping only inches away from the redhead, and reached out carefully to caress her cheek.

"Tara?" Willow hadn't seem to notice anything different, she just focused on her beloved's eyes. "Is it really you?"

Tara chocked back tears of joy before smiling and replying, "Yes, love, it's really me!" her hand remained on Willow's now tear stained cheek.

"Oh,Tara!" She fell into Tara's arms and held tightly and refused to let go. "Oh, baby I missed you so much!" cheerful sobs crept in between words.

The blonde was also crying as she held her precious tightly in her arms. "I've missed you everyday, my darling!" although the departure was escaping her mind. "What happened?"

Will backed up, but she kept her hands snaked around Tara's waist, terrified that if she let go, she'd lose Tara again. "You were standing in front of the window and were hit by a stray bullet." She looked down, unable to tell her who was behind it because just the mentioning of the name brought new levels of self hatred and guilt. Instead, she asked the blonde. "Do you know who killed you?"

Blue eyes met green before the blonde answered certainly. "Of course I do." She waited a second before dropping her tone to a serious level. "It was you."

Willow eyes went wide with unshed tears, "No...baby, it was Warren. I didn't kill you, I could never hurt you!" Her hands flew up to clutch her chest, holding together her breaking heart.

"You put me in a bullets path. You killed me. And then, when you convinced yourself it was Warren you decided you couldn't get enough of death. So you tracked him down and killed him too, didn't you, Killer?" Tara's eyes were now pitch black and her voice was in a hiss-like growl. "Everything has consequences. You will meet yours." In thin air, Tara vanished, leaving behind a small reflective surface. When Willow stared into it, her reflection wore thick black hair matching her eyes, and dark blue veins covered her once beautiful face.

Thrashing around, tangled in the sheets, Willow ripped herself from her dream realm and shook violently as she let out a blood curdling scream. She now shot up to sit in the pitch black. She couldn't breathe, and soon started to hyperventilate. Only focusing on the oxygen going through her airways, the former witch didn't even notice her best friend burst into her room, weapons at the ready.

"Will!" Buffy was on high alert. "What's wrong? Did something attack you?"

She still focused on her breathing, but managed to shake her head no in reply. Seeing no immediate danger, Buffy plopped her weapon on the ground and sat beside her shaken up friend. She asked once again, this time more sincerely, "What's wrong?"

The hacker, now having full regain of her breath, burst into tears. Buffy understood then, it was a night terror. She remembered Dawn mentioning having them when Buffy died, and she just figured Willow had done so to when Tara died. Not sure really what to do, she just clutched her small friend close and willed her to stop crying. It didn't work.

Willows whole body was wracked with violently shaking tears. "She's really gone, Buffy! But she's...she's not just gone, not like Oz, she's dead. And she can't come back. She won't! she can't and it's all my fault!" The hopeless redhead clung to her best friend's waist as she gave into the tears caught in her throat while she talked.

Buffy only continued to clutch her best friend close as she softly coed. "Shhh," Willow practically choked on her tears. "It is not your fault that she died."

"But it is!" she calmed a little so she could explain. "You died, and all I focused on was bringing you back. I didn't care about anything else. When I brought you back, I...I," her voice wavered, unsure of itself. She calmed herself and continued, "I put her in a bullets path. I killed her!" her hysterics went back to full force, each tear ripping her heart over and over again.

Okay, gentleness was getting her nowhere, time for a different approach. Buffy held her friend by her arms and forced her to look into her face. She tried to look tough, like she did in the face of danger, but the best she could do was a pained expression on her crushed friend. "Listen to me! you did not kill Tara. You loved her, so, so much. It was Warren." She wanted to say 'you aren't a killer' but Warren would say otherwise.

Also becoming slightly agitated, Willow argued. "He wouldn't have been there if I left like Tara and I wanted. We wanted to leave here and go somewhere nice with Dawn and raise her, let her grow up a normal life, like you always wanted." She kept fighting tears, starting a throbbing pain in her throat. "But no. I chose to stay and be stupid. So I chose to sacrifice the love of my life for my stupidity." Willow buried her head back into Buffy's shoulder.

"I..," The original plans sounded better then the plan they put in motion, Buffy couldn't lie. That's all she ever wanted for Dawn, was for her to have a normal life. And that was something Buffy couldn't give her no matter how hard she tried, because at the end of the day she couldn't even give herself a normal life. "No. You're right, if you left Warren wouldn't have been there to shoot Tara, but I wouldn't be here either. And Sunnydale wouldn't be either. Willow you saved Sunnydale from being taken over by demons, you did. But just because you saved me doesn't mean Warren was here because of you. He was here for me, to shoot me. So if you want to blame anyone, blame me! It's my fault." The slayer shed a few tears of her own.

Willow picked up her head and realized something. She wasn't the only one who missed Tara, the gang all loved her dearly. After all, they were family. "N-no Buffy, I... I didn't mean," it seemed almost naturally, Willow started to comfort Buffy instead. "It's not your fault." She whispered into the blonde's soft hair.

"I didn't want to say anything, since you got back but...." she looked up with red, puffy eyes. "God, Willow I miss her so much!"

Flashing a defeated smile she answered, "I know. I do too."