Compositions of Us

28 · The Brave or the Cautious?

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28 · The Brave or the Cautious?

It was already May. 

Funny how time flew by without the courtesy to consider that maybe, just maybe, we needed time to stick around more. 

Ever since the showcase, Joshua and I decided to try this relationship. We had no clue as to how it was going to turn out, but I was far from complaining. Being together—actually being together—was a feeling that words could not fully express. If I had to explain it through a photograph, imagine a bunch of puppies, endless cake and ice cream, stacks of Disney movies, and sunshine all in one frame. 

That was how much Joshua Anderson managed to affect me. 

Joshua and I caught up on a lot on things: our admission letters, how Beverly helped Joshua prepare his confession, how Drew helped keep the bridge between Joshua and me stable. Joshua told me that his youngest sister, Kirsten, got a really bad flu, I told him that I was still avoiding my dad like a plague, and eventually it just came down that we both missed one another.  

During these past weeks, we were getting closer. One time during lunch, Joshua surprisingly bought brownies that he made with his younger sisters to make up for those brownies that got burnt back in March. I wouldn't allow those brownies' deaths to be forgotten. Although Joshua insisted that he was the mastermind behind those delicious brownies, my instincts were telling me that it was Kirsten and Bethany's doing. 

There was one topic, however, that was constantly left astray.  

I asked Joshua to explain what kind of affiliation he had with the mysterious men on that night in Callaway Village. The request was abrupt and random since we were in the middle of walking his dog, Duke, around his neighborhood. But, we couldn't just pretend that those men never existed. 

Joshua seemed to have shutdown when I asked before he warned me that it wasn't something to be proud of. He did bring up that he would tell me everything if I gave him time.  

Although I could have easily made the choice to go against this and demand the truth during the time, I didn't. I agreed to place my trust in him. Knowing his business with them was not to ease curiosity. I didn't want them to hurt Joshua or reel him in their business—whatever it was. All I asked for that day was an honest answer if those men were still around or if he had gotten himself into trouble during these past few weeks we haven't made contact. 

Joshua explained that those men haven't shown themselves ever since the night at Callaway Village which also meant that Joshua was left alone. He made it sound like they had vanished into thin air. Hearing this terrified me, but Joshua reasoned me that these men had other things to focus on. I wouldn't call that a relieving response even though he seemed certain that those men wouldn't come around any time soon.  

During our walk, I began to throw the idea of going to the police station again or at least tell his mother, but Joshua shot the notion down. He tried to calm the waters by saying that he would do anything to ensure that everyone around him was safe.  

I tried to be okay with his statement, but we were only teenagers.  

Did we really have enough strength to protect ourselves and loved ones? 

"So, they didn't come back or hurt you, right?" I asked. 

He nodded. "Yeah, don't worry." 

"You said that last time about your arm," I said with a frown, knowing that it was their doing. 

Joshua didn't argue with that but had the nerve to tease, "Would you like to double-check for me?"