Cuts - Kellic (Book One) // boyxboy

Chapter Twelve

I let Carter through the front door. It's been a few days like he promised.

"You look like a mess." he comments as he follows me upstairs.

"Thanks!" I chirp sarcastically.

"I'm serious. When was the last time you left the house? And God, I thought you smelt bad a few days ago." he grimaces.

"What are you? My therapist? My boyfriend? Someone who gives a shit about me? I don't think so." I mutter.

I go into my room and sit down on my bed. My room is trashed and I haven't washed my bed sheets in weeks. They're getting pretty disgusting too. I haven't felt much like cleaning, or doing anything really.

"You still cutting yourself?" Carter asks.

The question catches me off guard so I don't answer.

He seems frustrated as he tries to find correct words.

"Are you cutting yourself because of me?" he asks.

I don't know how to answer that one so I don't.

He sits down besides me and looks down at his hands.

"Look, I like what we're doing. I like it when you're in pain and I like it when you're scared. But I don't want to be responsible for someone hurting themself." he explains.

"You're literally hurting me. What's the difference?" I snap.

"I don't know. I'm hurting you physically. I don't want you to be hurting emotionally." he mumbles.

"Do you think getting raped was just going to be a walk in the park for me? I'd just ice my bruises and be fine? You took a part of me that I'll never get back. You've broken me." I snap at his ignorance, getting teary.

"Kellin, I just," he stops and sighs.

But he doesn't continue after that. He just stares at the wall and stays silent.

"So you're going to stop?" I blurt out hopefully.

He frowns and shakes his head.

"No..."

My heart sinks and I look away.

I hear him rummage through his pockets for something then he throws it in my lap. I look down and notice its a box of pills labelled 'rohypnol'.

"It'll make this easier, probably for the both of us." he says.

I pick up the box and then realize something.

"You drugged Tay at the New Years Eve party." I point out.

He chuckles a little.

"That was an accident. I drugged you, silly. It's not my fault she drank your drink." he shrugs.

I begin to wonder what would have happened that night if I had drank the alcohol as Carter persisted.

"Look, take it or don't. It's your choice. The offers on the table if you want it." Carter suggests.

"What will it do to me?" I question, considering his offer. Anything to make this easier for me.

"It'll make you feel like your paralyzed, then you'll pass out. When you wake up the next day, you'll hardly remember a thing." he explains.

I pop one of the pills into my palm and stare down at it.

"And you're okay with this? You just said you like it when I'm scared and in pain. Not really possible if I'm unconscious." I shrug.