Cuts - Kellic (Book One) // boyxboy

Chapter Sixteen

My entire body is tense and my jaw is aching from clenching it. I'm struggling to push back tears but I need to be strong.

I'm sitting on the sofa, waiting for Vic to pick me up. He invited me to his bachelor party. That alone already has me panicking. Controlling myself around alcohol is hard enough, but now we're going to a club where everyone is drinking.

But that's not the only reason why I'm internally having a panic attack.

Jenna's about to leave.

She heaves her bag onto her shoulder and turns to me smiling. I look away so she can't see my emotional distress.

"I'll be back probably the day after the funeral. I left Vic's wedding present on my bed. Can you please take it with you when you go to the wedding?" she chirps.

The mention of the wedding makes me choke on a sob. The closer it gets, the more real it feels. And I can't handle it. I thought I could but I cant.

"Kell, hey, what's wrong?" Jenna asks, throwing down her bag and kneeling in front of me.

She cups my tear-soaked cheek and turns my face toward hers.

"I can't do it, Jen. I can't go to the wedding." I wail.

"You have to, Kell. Vic needs you there." she whispers soothingly.

"You don't understand. I can't. It's too much. It's all too much." I cry.

"What's too much?" she asks, wiping my tears away as they fall.

"Everything!" I exclaim. "Vic getting married! Staying sober! Staying clean! Losing my job! An-and...and–"

I stop talking before I say something I'll regret. The thought of it makes me so sick though, and I feel like I just want to projectile vomit the words out so they're not inside of me anymore. But I can't do that.

"And what, Kells?" Jenna pushes.

Fuck.

"Nothing." I sniff, looking away. "You should go. Tay needs you."

She's silent for a second, then stands up and sits beside me on the sofa.

"You need me too." she whispers.

She pulls me into her arms and I rest my head against her boob.

"Whatever you were going to say, Kells, you need to say it. Because I think that is what's hurting you most." she lulls.

I shake my head and sob heavily. I can't do it. I can't say it.

"Come on, honey. You can trust me." she coos.

"You wouldn't understand!" I cry.

"Help me understand. You can't hold this in any longer. It's destroying you. And you're destroying yourself because of it. Whatever it is, Kells, it needs to come out." she murmurs.

I want to tell her. But if I do, she might go to the police, or she'll go to Vic, then Carter will hurt him. And I can't have that happen.

Unless...I don't mention Carter at all.

I pull away from Jenna's chest and look at her hesitantly. I probably look like a complete mess but that's the least of my worries.

I feel a lump rise in my throat as Jenna looks at me expectantly.

"Jen," I whisper.

"What is it, Kells?" she whispers back, taking my hand.

I drop my gaze to our hands then squeeze my eyes shut. The lump in my throat is dying for a release so I don't hold it back anymore.