I Want to Write You a Song

From the Dining Room Table

November 22

"He didn't have dinner last night," Liam waves his fork around in frustration. "He needs breakfast!"

Louis lets out a long sigh. This was becoming a trend, the two of them arguing about Harry over pancakes. What a lovely way to start the day.

"Ease up, Liam!" He spits back. "Zayn is still up in his room sleeping off a hangover, but you don't care about that!"

Liam is on his feet now, face flushed with anger. "Zayn, doesn't have bloody brain cancer!"

He regrets the words as soon as they leave his lips. He looks at Louis with apologetic eyes.

Niall, who has been silent all breakfast until now, is in tears. "Louis... it isn't true.... is it?" His voice is low, lower than its ever been. "When... when did..."

Louis. Is. Furious. "I don't know, lad. Why don't you ask Liam?" He's on his feet now. "Seeing as he's so fucking eager to talk about it!" He storms towards the door, not bothering to clear his plate.

"Wait I'm sorry-"

Liam is cut off by the door slamming.

Louis slumps against the wall, defeated. Harry had asked for one thing this month, and one thing only. Don't tell the boys yet. He couldn't help that Liam had guessed it, but now Niall knew too. And it wasn't exactly the best way to break the news to him, with a screaming match and slamming doors. Guilt surges through him. He knows he overreacted, and shouldn't have blown up at Liam.

A small part of him knows that Liam isn't the real reason he's upset.

He hears the faint clearing of someone's throat.

"Go away Liam," he says, "I'm not fucking in the mood."

"Morning Sunshine."

His head snaps up, because that isn't Liam's voice at all. And despite all the shit going on, Louis can't help but smile when he hears it.

Harry.

He lifts his head to a very concerned looking Zayn, with his arm wrapped around a very confused looking Harry. Normally the sight of someone else's arm wrapped around his boyfriend would make Louis beyond upset, but it was Zayn.

"Found him wondering the halls looking for you," Zayn says with a ghost of a smile, "like a sad, lost puppy."

Harry crinkles his eyebrows. "Heard yelling. In there," Harry points to the dining room door. "Why?"

The truth is Harry hated the idea that his friends might be fighting over him. It made him feel extremely guilty.

Louis opens his mouth to deny it, but realizes there's no point. Lying to him wouldn't help anything, and honestly he was just too emotionally tired to think of a decent lie. So instead, he pulls Harry down onto his lap, wrapping his arms around his waist.

Then he explains everything that happened.

Harry shakes his head, nearly in tears.

"Hey hey hey," Louis coos, "what's the matter, Love?"

Harry is sobbing now. Louis pulls him in close, not even caring that his tears are soaking the front of his shirt. The sound of Harry crying is so heartbreaking that it physically hurts Louis' stomach.

He finally manages to choke out, "I'm sorry, Lou. I didn't mean to make you fight."

This sends another pang through Louis' stomach. It hurts so bad seeing Harry like this. People like Harry should never cry. He deserves to be happy all the time.

Louis' feels like screaming, but his voice is gentle, so painfully gentle, because he can't bear the thought of upsetting Harry again.

"Baby look at me," he gently lifts Harry's chin, looking into his watery eyes. The sight breaks Louis' heart for what must be the fifth time this morning. "This isn't your fault, Haz. None of this is your fault. You have to believe me, because I can't stand seeing you like this." His voice cracks on the last part, because a realization hits Louis.

Harry will have to live in pain for the rest of his life.

And Louis can't protect him from that.