I Want to Write You a Song

We Will Find a Way Through the Dark

January 5,

"I just wish you would talk to me. I wish you would let me back in."

"I can't Louis, and you know I can't, so just give me a fucking break, okay!"

Louis is taken aback. He's never seen this venomous side of Harry, and he never wanted to. Louis knows not to take it personally. He knows Harry's hurting, and that it's neither of their faults. But sometimes knowing something doesn't change how you feel, and right now Louis feels like he's been slapped.

"Forget I ever brought it up," He rises from the couch. "I'm going to eat dinner. Will you be joining me?"

Harry shakes his head.

Louis knows better than to press him further. He knows better, but yet...

"Why? Why Harry? Because your mad at me?" He struggles to maintain his composure. "That would be real stupid you know. Considering I did absolutely nothing! I've done nothing but be here for you, so quitting acting like a little shit!"

Hurt is written all over Harry's expression. His face flushes. A single tear drips down his cheek.

Fuck fuck fuck fuck

Louis stomach is in knots.

I didn't mean that...

"Haz, I'm so sorry," He reaches to wipe the tear, but Harry leans away.

"Don't touch me."

Louis feels like he's been slapped again.

"Come on Harry, please don't stay mad at me. Let's go join the boys for dinner, okay?" He instinctively reaches out for Harry's hand, but he flinches away.

"I said I don't want any dinner, and I said don't fucking touch me!"

He storms off before Louis can stop him, slamming the door behind him.

--------------------

"Haz?"

Harry vaguely registers a hand shaking his shoulder in his half asleep state. He sits up slowly and is confused.

"Liam?"

"Why were you and Louis fighting?" He questions.

Liam never was one to beat around the bush.

When Harry doesn't answer he tries another question.

"Why won't you open up to him anymore, Haz? He just wants to help you. We all do, and you shouldn't be mad at any of us for that."

Harry swallows thickly. "I'm not mad... I'm just... I can't open up because it'll hurt him... to know the things I'm feeling."

"Well too late," Liam says, "because you've already hurt him. He's been crying for fucking hours. After he finished smashing dinner plates that is."

Harry's throat clenches tight, and he struggles to answer. "I'm just so scared Li."

Liam nods, pausing for a moment. When he speaks his voice is gentle. "Are you scared of dying?"

Harry's taken aback by his directness. He appreciates it too in a weird way.

"Yah, I guess," He forces out a small laugh, "fucking terrified if I'm honest."

Liam just nods, unfazed. "What about dying are you scared of?"

Harry stares at him in disbelief, but the question was completely serious. He lets out a breath, and lets the name roll off his tongue.