I Want to Write You a Song

Two Ghosts

Three Years Later...

Louis gets on with things. Slowly, but he does.

The first year was the hardest for him. He felt emptiness in part of him he didn't even know existed. As empty as Harry's empty tea mug that sat moldy on their nightstand because he didn't have the heart to through it away. As empty as Harry's side of the bed, which he still can't will himself to sleep on.

Then he got to a point where he could feel okay a lot of the time, but little things; little reminders of Harry still had the power to reduce him to tears.

Like when Louis was driving and glanced at the passenger seat, expecting to see Harry snoozing with his head on the window, only to find the seat empty. Or when he'd paw through his drawers and stumble across one of Harry's old t shirts that Louis couldn't bare to part with.

Eventually, Louis learned to stop hiding from his grief and learned to face it head on. He learned to let Harry's memory comfort him instead of haunt him. He began sleeping in Harry's t shirt instead of hiding from it.

He never gets quite back to his old self, but eventually he stops trying to. He stops trying to be who he was before Harry's death, and just focuses on being the best he can be now.

Isn't that just how life goes? Our experiences mold us into new versions of ourselves all the time. It doesn't make us broken. It makes us human.

Louis lost his mother this year. This shook him, but did not break him like losing Harry did. It isn't because he didn't love his mum every ounce as much as he loved Harry, it's just that he was better prepared for it. He knew how to handle his grief better.

He's lost touch with the rest of One Direction for the most part. Nothing was really the same without Harry, so the band went their separate ways. Although, it did warm Louis that they each called him after hearing about his mum.

Louis tries his best, but he doesn't exactly follow Harry's wishes. Technically, he goes back to that beach he loved so much. Only once though, and it isn't a happy memory. That's where his memorial service was held. That's where his ashes were scattered.

Louis never goes back.

He also never falls in love again, and knows he never will. He's closed that part of his heart of for good, but he is okay with that. He doesn't need a new relationship to fill some void within him, because Louis isn't empty. Louis life is full; full of new friends and new music. His heart is still full from Harry. Louis used to wonder often whether or not he was fulfilling Harry's wishes. Whether or not Harry would be disappointed in him. But that mentality can be dangerous. Harry isn't here anymore. Louis knows he needs to live for himself now.

Still, he knows Harry would be proud of him tonight. It's bittersweet.

The crowd finally quiets down enough for Louis to speak. His voice shakes with nerves.

"The last song I'm going to sing tonight is very special to me, and I hope all can enjoy it too. It's a bit of a collaboration, really. Harry started writing it, with Niall's help. But he never got the chance to finish it. It took me three years, but I finally found the strength to finish it for him." Louis clears his throat to remain composed. "Today makes three years without you, Hazza. We all miss you."

The crowd cheers louder than Louis has ever heard before. He stares out into the sea of people and notices that the majority of the signs say things like "Rest in Peace Harry" or plainly "Harry Styles". One sign in particular makes Louis smile. It doesn't say anything at all.

It's a picture of two hearts, one blue and one green. The green one is smaller and is inside the blue one.

When the audience finally grows quiet, Louis parts his lips, and lets the song spill out.

Same lips red
Same eyes blue
Same white shirt, couple more tattoos
But it's not you and it's not me

The next verse Louis wrote:

Tastes so sweet
Looks so real
Sounds like something that I used to feel,
But I can't touch you
It's just a dream.

Now back to what Harry wrote:

We're not who we used to be
We're not who we used to be
We're just two ghosts standing in the place of you and me
And I hope that you'll remember how it feels to have a heartbeat.

The fridge light washes this room white
Plate full of cookies and
You by my side
What more do I really need?

But I'm tongue tied like I've never known
Telling those stories I've already told
Cause I can't say what I really mean.

That was all Harry got the chance to write, so Louis had to come up with one final verse:

I'm not who I used to be
I'm not who I used to be
Cause I'm just a lonely ghost wishing
You could be here with me

I'm not who I used to be
I don't see what I used to see
Cause we're just two ghost now
And I feel so empty
But I will try to remember how it feels to have a heart beat.

End of book.