I Want to Write You a Song

Right Now

"Louis?"

"Go away," he mumbles through a nest of blankets. He doesn't even bother looking up to see who is in his room. He doesn't care.

He hears a hushed sigh and then footsteps down the hall.

Finally.

He just wants to be alone.

Actually, he doesn't want to be alone. He wants to be with Harry, but that isn't happening. So Louis sleeps. And he waits. Everyone's waiting for the same thing, but nobody says it.

It's the thing he dreads most, but knows is inevitable. A tiny tiny part of him wishes he'd get the call already. The call from Harry's family that he's gone for good, so Louis can stop worrying already. A much bigger part of himself is swallowed with guilt for feeling this way.

--------------------

"Louis?"

"Go away, seriously! For Christ sake, haven't a made it clear I want to be alone!"

"Louis," he says no louder than a whisper.

Louis looks up now, to see Liam standing the bed. The room is dark now, and his pale face is illuminated by the screen of his phone.

His lips are pursed in a tight, thin line. "Anne is on the phone."

He hands the phone to Louis, who's hands are shaking so bad he almost drops it.

Time stands still, and he forgets how to move. He doesn't want to answer the phone. It's childish to think this way, but Louis feels as if he can just ignore the call, it's like he can just pretend everything is okay. That Harry is okay.

Okay for now.

Because then what? Even if Harry is still alive, even if he doesn't answer the phone, it's only a matter of time before...

Liam notices how scared Louis is, it's written all over his face. He reaches out and places his hand on the smaller boy's shoulder, and offers a sympathetic nod. "Answer the phone, lad. It's okay, I'll stay right here."

Louis nods, swallowing thickly. Then very slowly, he lifts the phone to his ear.

"Hello?" He squeaks out, but it comes out inaudible.

He clears his throat and tries again.

"Hello?"

Every muscle in his body is trembling.

"Louis? It's me Anne."

Louis waits. He waits for the words that he knows will destroy him beyond repair. Shatter him like a clock. Eat him away like a cancer. Just like Harry's diagnoses was terminal, he knew this news would be for him.

He waits for Anne to deliver the death blow.

"Harry..."

Please just say it already. Don't kill me slowly, just spit it out...

"He wants to see you. Can you come over."

Louis is frozen. At first, he feels elated, because Harry wants to see him again.

Then, he feels a pit in his stomach.

Anne keeps talking. "Listen, I understand if he don't want to but he..."

"No, I do!" He says, startling Liam and even himself. "It's just... is he... okay?"

The line is quiet.

"I think it's happening. Soon," her voice is weak, like she's fighting back tears. "I don't know... please, just hurry. If you can."

Before he had time to think, time to even breath, Louis is out the door.