I Want to Write You a Song

Same Mistakes

"Harry, Love?"

He turns his attention to his mum, who's eyes are kind but sad as they watch him stare out the couch side window. This is hows he's spent most of this week. Sitting lost in thought, counting snowflakes landing in the window, trying to ignore the pain in his head. And his heart.

Anne clears her throat, and Harry suddenly remembers she was talking to him.

"Sorry," he whispers, shaking his head. "What is it Mum?"

Her expression softens, and she comes to sit next to him, placing a hand on his back. "What are you sorry for?"

Harry sighs, refusing to meet her gaze. "For everything. I'm just..."

When Harry finally meets her eyes, his are bloodshot and have tears welling in them. The sight almost breaks Anne. The sight of her sweet baby boy, who would never hurt a fly, sick and in pain.

"Shh..." she rubs her hand up and down her back, pulling him into her chest. She feels his body relax as he sinks into her embrace and lets his tears flow freely.

"I'm just... I'm just... tired... of hurting everyone!" He chokes out frantically in between sobs.

They hear the faint clearing of someone's throat in the doorway.

"Let me talk to Harry for a minute."

Anne sighs. "Gem, he's..."

"Mum, please," she cuts her off.

Reluctantly, she agrees, leaving a very sad Harry on the couch with his big sister.

Gemma doesn't hesitate to wrap her arms around him, and he doesn't hesitate to cry into her sweater.

Finally, she speaks. "This is about Louis. Right?"

He doesn't say it, but the increased intensity of his sobs confirm the obvious. As if Harry's body was trying to violently shake all the hurt out of his body.

"Harry, I know you think you're helping him by distancing yourself, but it's not doing either of you any good," her voice was gentle yet firm. "I mean, look at yourself. You're a mess without him. Do you really think he's doing any better?"

"I don't want... I don't..." Harry struggles to finish his sentence. "Want him to get attached."

Gemma laughs lightly, but not out of humor. "That might be the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard, and I grew up listening to your knock knock jokes."

Somehow, Harry musters up a tiny laugh.

"Listen, I know this isn't what you want to hear, but it's what you need to hear, okay? Louis Tomlinson is head over heels in love with you. He has been for years, and he will be until your dying day."

Harry is taken aback by his sister's bluntness. It's oddly refreshing, though.

"He's going to be devastated when you die. We all will be," her voice cracks, but she continues. "All your doing by pushing him away is wasting precious precious time. You don't fucking get to take that back, Harry. I love you and I want to respect your wishes, but I think your making a huge mistake."

Harry is silent for a bit. Gemma begins to feel bad, wondering if she's been to harsh.

"I'm sorry," she begins, "I didn't mean to..."

"Don't. You're right."

She simply nods. Then pulls her phone out of her pocket, handing it to her brother.

"Call him. Please."

She thinks he's reaching out to accept the phone, but he pushes it away gently last minute. Silent tears begin to run down his cheeks, and he buries his face in his hands.

"Harry..."

"I can't do it, Gem," he whispers. "I can't keep seeing him hurt. Because of me. No. I can't. I'm sorry."