I Want to Write You a Song

Just How Fast the Night Changes

Harry feels himself changing and it scares him. Even on his good days he doesn't laugh the same anymore. He doesn't smile the same, or talk the same. He just feels so tired of everything all the time, like the world is draining him of everything he is. Stealing little pieces of him. That's what Harry feels like. Mere pieces of the person he used to be.

Louis notices. He can see it in Harry's eyes. Hear it in his tone. Feel it in his touch. Harry's beginning to slip away from him and all he can do is watch helplessly.

He's finally released from the hospital, and the boys all seem relieved. Not Louis, though. He knows better. He fakes it for Harry's sake though, forcing himself to smile as he opens the passenger door for Harry.

"Lets go home, baby," he says a tad too high.

The car is unsettlingly quiet on the way home. Louis is surprised Harry doesn't have more to say, considering he's spent the last five days asleep. He doesn't talk though, he just stares blankly at the window and watches snowflakes melt as they hit the glass.

Louis hates this kind of silence. The kind so thick it's almost tangible, screaming the things nobody dares to say.

He can't take it anymore.

"How do you feel, Haz?"

Harry's answer is so quiet Louis almost doesn't catch it. "Fine, guess."

Louis sighs. "Look at me, Harry."

Harry pretends he doesn't hear him, and he believes it. Good. He doesn't want to look at Louis, because Louis can read Harry's eyes like a book. And they aren't exactly telling a happy story today.

Harry is not fine. Harry is worried sick, but would rather keep his hurt to himself instead of hurting Louis too.

--------------------

December 24,

"Wake up, baby!" Harry shakes Louis shoulder with a huge goofy grin. "You know what today is!"

Louis smiles back with the same enthusiasm, because its his birthday. More importantly, it was his birthday and Harry remembered. Louis already had a mental list of things he wanted them to do together to celebrate. They'll have a special breakfast together, if Harry is up for it of course. They'll watch all Louis' favorite films. Then tonight they'll have cake with the rest of the boys just like always.

He realizes that this is the last year they can all do that, but quickly pushes away the thought. No bad thoughts today. He needs to enjoy today.

Harry takes him by the hand, squeezing it lovingly. "Merry Christmas Eve, Lou."

Oh.

-------------------

They still end up watching films, but Christmas ones instead, and Harry falls asleep halfway through the first.

As soon as Louis hears soft snoring coming from his curly haired boyfriend, he carefully untangles himself from their nest of blankets and heads into the hall.

He immediately pulls out his phone and dials Niall.

"Hey lad," he answers, "what's up?"

"Niall. Hi. Listen, could you maybe not bring a cake tonight?"

There's a silent pause.

"Yah, is... everything okay? Do you still want us to come over later?"

Louis clears his throat. "Yah yah yah. Course I do. Just... no cake or presents or birthday stuff."

He hears Niall sigh through the phone. "If that's what you want."

It isn't what Louis wants. It's his last birthday with Harry and he wants to celebrate big. Make it a happy memory. But he knows Harry will lose it if he realizes he forgot Louis' birthday.

Besides, they are still having a good day. Besides being tired, Harry's in good spirits. It's not exactly the day Louis hoped for, but it's good enough.

His thoughts are interrupted by the sound of footsteps.

Louis forces himself to smile. "Morning, Curly." He perches on his toes to kiss Harry's cheek.

"Curly?" Harry says, a blush creeping onto his cheeks.

Louis makes a mental note of how cute he looks, with rosy cheeks, sleepy eyes, messy hair, Christmas pajamas. But then he realizes how loose the pajamas fit him compared to last year, hanging off his thin frame. Louis swallows back his feelings, forcing a smile.

"Don't look embarrassed, you know I love your curls." He pulls Harry down to his level and kisses his head.

Harry winces.

"Shit, Haz. I'm sorry, did that hurt?"

Harry's eyes flood with guilt for some reason that Louis doesn't understand.

"It isn't you," he says quickly, "I promise you didn't hurt me it's just... I've had this headache all day."

Louis pulls him into his arms. "S'okay baby. How about we lie down for a bit upstairs."

Harry's still asleep when the rest of the boys get here.

They bursts through the door with smiles plastered on all of their faces.

"Happy birthday, Louis!" Zayn cheers, "Damn, you're getting so old."

Louis sighs. "Guys I'm really not in the mood."

"You okay?" Liam asks with a concerned expression. "Where's Harry."

"He's sleeping."

"Sorry Lou," Liam put a comforting hand on his shoulder. "Niall told us he forgot your birthday. I know this isn't the day you wanted."

Of course, Niall had guessed this. They all know each other so well that it was hard to keep anything secret anymore.

Louis rolls his eyes. "It doesn't matter anyways."

-------------------

Later that night after the boys leave, Louis decides he might as well just go to bed. He's not tired yet, but he's bored and doesn't want to do anything without Harry. He never does anything without Harry, and vaguely wonders if he even he knows how to.

Harry is sprawled out across the mattress taking up more than his fair share of space, eyes pressed shut.

Louis doesn't care. He just curls up as close as he can get to Harry, breathing in his scent, feeling his warmth. It feels like home. With his guard down, he lets tears fall and soak into his boyfriend's too big pajama top. He isn't sure specifically what the tears are from, all he knows is they've been stuck inside him too long.

Louis only startles slightly when Harry's long arms wrap around him.

"Shh.. It's okay Lou."

Louis just cries harder, because nothing is okay.

"Happy birthday."