always have been, always will be | jensoo

Frowning Hour

"Should I wear my blue blouse?"

"The one with the polka dots?"

"Yeah. The one you like."

I grab Jisoo's pillow and hold it to my chest. "Yeah, I know the one. Don't wear it."

"Jendeuk!"

"Or wear it, I don't care." I keep my voice dull, so that she knows I do not enjoy having any part of this.

Jinyoung and Jisoo have had a few dates, and I can no longer contain my jealousy, my anger, everything that is wrong with this. I've never known this side of myself, and I hardly like it.

It's their second date this week, and I absolutely despise the way she thinks she's fooling anyone - actually, she probably is. I despise the way she thinks she's fooling me.

Jisoo exhales a puff of air between her lips and sits down next to me on the bed, fidgeting with the shirt in her hands. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing." My pathos swirl around my head, not allowing me to answer.

This time she wraps her arm tight around my shoulder, peering even closer at my eyes, which are trained at the wall. "What's wrong?" She repeats.

I finally meet her eyes directly. "Stop asking me that."

Her expression tells me she is exasperated with the way I'm acting, but I can also tell by the way her lips set in an unwavering line that she knows exactly what's wrong.

"Well then stop acting like a turd." She lets go of me and stands up, going to her closet.

"Oh my God. Whatever." I stand up and head for her door, fighting every urge I have to turn around when she says my name.

She darts in front of the door when she realizes I'm really trying to make an exit. "Jennie. Come on."

"Come on what, Jisoo? What, do you want me to sit here while you get pretty for a date with some - some stupid jock?"

"It's - "

"You want me to pretend to be okay with that?"

Her eyebrows knit together and for a second she looks almost mad at me. "Why can't you just act like you are? It would make things a lot easier."

My nostrils flare, and I take a step back. "Make what a lot easier? You having to deal with whatever issues you have with - "

"Keep your voice down." She warns, her voice grave.

I rub my temples with my hands, hoping my face isn't showing as much overwhelming emotion that I'm feeling. It's one of the first times in my life I want to yell at Jisoo.

As if one some terrible cue, Mrs. Kim pops her head in the door. "You girls okay?"

"Yeah, Mom." Jisoo gives her the fakest smile she can muster. Mrs. Kim is overjoyed and Jisoo's prospective boyfriend, as well as their date.

"Well...it's almost eight! Don't be late, and keep the boy waiting." her mother says cheerily, ducking back out of the door with a syrupy grin.

Jisoo stares after her, long after she leaves the door, with a mournful, faraway look on her face.

She finally looks back at me, and all my anger is gone. I can try to understand her. The contrast of Mrs. Kim giddy smile and Jisoo's saddened eyes stays with me, and from this night on, I don't question Jisoo's motives. I can not presume to be more important to her than her own Mother, can not begin to comprehend what she thinks is a hopeless situation.