always have been, always will be | jensoo

Caught In Suspension

"Not right now."

Jiyeon crawls into my bed, poking me between the shoulder blades. My back is to her. "What the hell went down? Are you crying?"

"I'm not crying!"

"What were you doing all day?" She presses, tugging on my shirt.

I roll over and look at her. "I met her stupid, horrible girlfriend who doesn't deserve her."

"Why does Jisoo have a stupid, horrible girlfriend?"

"I don't know! But she's so rotten. All she talks about is herself, how much money she makes, and then mocks me for being rich."

Jiyeon's eyes widen. "Did you slap the shit out of her?"

"No. I went to Jisoo's Mom's house for dinner."

"Which...sucked?" She guesses.

"It was great." I say, half laughing but feeling miserable. "Then Jinwoo, that's her brother. He told me she was...just a mess after I went to college. Like, intensely screwed up and then she dropped out of college and lived on her Dad's couch for a year."

"Wow.." Jiyeon says, sitting up crosslegged. "I bet you felt like a bitch."

"You're not helping."

"So is that what's bothering you? You annihilated this poor girl's spirit and you can't forgive yourself?"

I steel myself for this last part. "I went to her house. I just wanted to see her, you know? I can't explain it...she started saying how weirded out her girlfriend was by how close we were."

"And?"

"It sounded like she was going to put a squash on it, Jiyeon. Like she was going to tell me she can't have me hanging around, mooning over her and being pathetic." Regret drips from my words.

"What did you do?" Jiyeon sounds like she knows what's coming, and leans forward.

"I told her I was completely over whatever happened between us."

Jiyeon slaps me on the back of the head. "What's the matter with you?"

"What the hell!"

"This is like, my new favorite show, I swear. You get me invested and then you go and tell her you're over her? How did she not know you were totally lying? Look at you!"

"What about me?"

"You look completely beaten. Have you even looked in a mirror?"

I glare at her. "I don't need this from you."

"You clearly do. You just feel so sorry for yourself. What's the worst that's going to happen? You're out of each other's life for another four years?"

"God, just get out of my room. Stop yelling at me."

"You're so moody lately. You never want to have any fun, and I finally think you'll pull yourself out of this funk but you just make it worse." She shakes her head at me, and I feel pathetic.

"I did what had to be done." I grit my teeth. "Now we can both move on."

"Isn't that what you said when you like, ran away because she made you cry?"

"Shut. Up."

"Whatever, Jen. I just want my fun roommate back, alright?"

"Well, maybe you can get a new, fun roommate when I leave."

"What?" Jiyeon demands. A pause. "Shit. You took the job."

I bury my face in my pillow. "I leave at the end of the month."