always have been, always will be | jensoo

We Got Sea Legs

I figure I have about an hour before daylight ends when find myself on Jisoo's street. Or what I'm quite positive is Jisoo's street, I've been lost for a few minutes now. I slow to a snail's pace, seeing duplex after duplex, all the same color.

I peer at the address scrawled on my hand, blinking a few times and navigating the tiny street packed with parked cars.

Out of the corner of my eye, to the left, I see a woman. She's hunched over a row of flowers, and it looks like she's planting a new one. I take one last look at the address, and consider pulling over to ask her for proper directions when I hit the brakes, hard.

It's Jisoo. There's no mistaking that shade of brunnete, falling out from underneath a faded baseball cap. It has to be her.

I put my car in park and hop out, and it must be her, because though the woman doesn't flinch when my door slams, my skin is buzzing. Vibrating with nerves.

I adjust my sunglasses and take a few paces across the lawn, taking deep breaths. She's still patting the ground, making sure her flower is planted safely in the ground.

I swallow, trying to moisten my mouth that's now completely dry. Of course it is. My stomach is positively churning when I finally open my mouth to speak, wondering if I've made an awful decision in coming here.

"So you garden now."

I see her turn her head, not quite looking at me yet, so I can see the side of her face. I drink it in, her profile, almost fainting. Then I see her tense, recognizing my voice. She faces the flowers again.

"Are you going to look at me?"

Jisoo shoots up, spinning around in a split second and I can see that there's surprise in her eyes, yes, but anger's there too. Hair falls out from under her hat, framing her face with the stray strands. She has a tiny smudge of dirt on her chin. She's thinner than I remember, and taller.

She's a woman now, and more beautiful than I can recall.

I take in every single thing I see on her body in a matter of seconds before she takes her potting gloves off, tears her eyes away long enough to look me up and down, taking in the sight of me, and then storms in her front door.

I'm left, a little dumbfounded, a little taken aback, but newly revitalized. Now that I've seen her, there's no way - no way - that I'm just going to stand here. Almost before her door is closed after her I'm on her porch, tapping on the door.

I'm completely itchy with anticipation when Jisoo opens her door again, facing me and crossing her arms. The screen door distorts her appearance.

"I wanted to see you." I tell her honestly, feeling like I should explain. I want to hear her speak.

She says nothing, apparently sensing this.

"Is that okay?" I let myself sound vulnerable, because right now, with the way she's looking at me and how I have no clue what she's thinking, that's what I feel. Exceptionally vulnerable.

"I'm not sure."

I'm sure my face flushes at her words, just hearing her voice. I can't help but smile at her, I don't know why.

"Where the hell have you been?" Her body language is telling me that she's not happy to see me.

"Seoul."

She stares at me, processing this information. "I can't believe you're here."

"I - I can't either." I admit, loving how sincere she sounds. "It just felt right."

"You left."

"I'm here now."

"But you left." She repeats herself firmly, and I think I'm just now understanding how much damage I'd done. Leaving in the night.