Let Me Go (Book Four)

Chapter: 7

DAY: 211

Lark

As I laid there crying I swore that I heard something moving somewhere in the room. I sat up in bed and looked around the small stone-like room, there didn't seem to be anything there. But the small sound I heard echoed through my head as I tried to figure a plausable answer. But then I heard it again, it sounded like shuffling or something. I stood up and looked around again.

But there still wasn't anything in the room that could have made the noise other than myself. So I just laid back down, trying to relax myself. I shut my eyes and let out a breath. But I just started crying again, the tears just flew out of me like rivers.

Then suddenly, in my grief, I felt something brush over my hair. I flinched and sat up straight, turning around. Bucky was right there beside me, I was about to open my mouth but Bucky stopped me with a kiss.

"Shh." he said as he pulled away, "Lay back down." he told me gently.

I slid down back under the sheets, not even daring to look away from him. I feared that if I shut my eyes then he'd disappear, like a dream.

Bucky leaned himself forward and kissed my forehead. "You're even more beautiful than I remembered you to be." he said quietly, his hand brushed away the hair from my forehead.

"Bucky, what are you doing here?" I asked him softly. I reached up to his newly cut hair, it was short, but not buzzed, which was a good thing. But it made him look clean and modern, and more of a soldier than I had ever seen him appear before.

"I had to see you, I had to see for myself that you were really alive and alright." he said, he smiled at me and I noticed how glassy his eyes looked. "I missed you so much." he said.

"Here." I moved over in bed and Bucky laid down next to me. I turned my back to him and reached back for his hand.

"Will you hold me? Like we used to when we didn't have to worry ourselves to sleep." I said quietly. I felt him hake my hand and I pulled it around my waist as Bucky laid down right behind me, he kissed my head and held me tight. Bucky took in a breath, but it was jagged and shaken up.

"It's okay." I told him. "It's alright."

"You're so beautiful." he told me gently, "So gentle and light and alive."

"Bucky. . ." I whispered as a tear fell again.

"Have you been taking care of yourself?" he asked me.

"I've been fine." I told him. "I've been alright."

"What did Jack do to you?"

I opened my mouth to speak. That's when I let go of his hand and sat up slowly, pulling my shirt up high onto my back, showing him the stitches.

"This is all I have of what I remember. Jack didn't do anything so much as made me look like I was dead. It was mostly my own father's hand who did the damage." I told him. "He kept me underground, in some building, he told me that he was trying to keep me safe. But you should have seen the place and how well they guarded only one of the doors."

I felt Bucky hand touch the space underneath the stitches and I flinched instinctivly. Since the time I've had them, onyl Steve has been the one to help me take care of them. Banner knew of course but I didn't want him to help me with something like this. He already had enough of trouble on his own little plate.

"Does it hurt?" he asked me.

"Not that often. Only when I lay on it or put pressure against it or when the stitches split." I answered him. Bucky pulled my shirt back down over my back and I laid back down. I felt him shift beside me and he took my hand again, this time his grip was tighter like he didn't want to let me go.

We laid there together in silence for moment, not a single one passed where I didn't feel like this was some sort of realistic dream. And I'm sure for Bucky it was worse.

Bucky sat up behind me and let go of my hand, placing it lightly against the side of my stomach. I turned and looked at him. "I'm still fighting away the idea that this could all be just some dream, that none of this is really here and I'm somewhere passed out on a roof." he said.

I looked up into his eyes and I got lost. I got lost in the blue, the glassy tears and his saddness.

"If this was a dream, you'd have long hair and you'd be wearing your mask." I told him. "And you probably wouldn't be telling me how much of this felt like a dream."

Bucky chuckled and sniffed, "I actually brought my mask with me, it's out there somewhere." he gestured over his shoulder and I grinned. "But you're probably right. The only thing that keeps me sane right now, is seeing your eyes and your hair and your smile. If this was a dream for me you wouldn't be smiling, your eyes probably wouldn't be open and your hair wouldn't be so red or long. Because every time I dreamt about you, you'd lay silent in front of me, not moving or breathing."

I sat up on my hand just as Bucky broke down, I pulled him close to me and held him, Bucky's wrapped around my waist tightly as he pulled me to him even closer. My head was against his shoulder and I stared out the window at the moon, the full moon before us. I wanted him to know that I was real, that this was real and that I was alive. I wanted him to know that I cared for him like nobody else could.

"I'm here. I'm real." I whispered to him. "This is real, this life is real. All of this, what we have, what we're both bringing to this life is real, what we're fighting is real. You and me, we're both real and what we're living for is all real. None of this is a dream or some imaginative idea. I promise you."

For once I knew that I had to be brave for him, Bucky was always so brave for me and always there when I cried and broke that I had to be the umbrella to keep the rain off of him for once. It was my job now.

We laid together, facing each other and staying silent. We both knew that there were no words to describe the moments between us, which is why we always savored the moment with unmoving lips and soft eyes. Bucky wrapped me in his arms and held me against his chest as we laid there together, my ear against his chest I could hear his unsteady heart beating as strong as ever. I knew that he was still unsure, just as I was. Just as I felt. But I also knew that he was sure of me being here in front of him.

I wanted to fall asleep with him, to dream in his protective arms once again but I knew that it wasn't mean to happen.

Bucky whispered to me; "I can't stay. I can't be here in the morning."

"I know." I answered him with a shaken breath. And he held me tighter, kissed my forehead. "I know you can't."

I looked over at the windows and saw that the horizon was already turning purple. My heart tore in half. I wanted him to stay.

"Sleep." he told me. "I'll be here until you fall asleep."

I nodded, even though I didn't want to sleep, not with him here with me. But my eyes refused to stay open like I wanted them too. I noticed Bucky was humming softy to me, quietly muttering words to a song that I almot recognized, but it was so light that I could barley make out the words myself. Whatever it was, it was calm and gentle and it rocked me to sleep so easily I felt like a child.

"I love you." I told him as I became drousy.

"I love you too, I love so much. I promise you, that someday, I'll bring you back home." Bucky kissed my forehead again and I let myself go, relaxing back. Although it hurt me, I knew that someday soon I'd see him again, I'd be with him again.