Let Me Go (Book Four)

Chapter: 15

DAY: 271

Lark

When he grabbed my collar and forced me up against the wall I knew it wasn't Bucky anymore. I could sense it early on but I refused to believe any of it at all. I wanted to think that he'd come back that he's snap out of it, or that all of this would be some terrible nightmare that I was having. But it was all real. It had to have been. Steve kept on telling me that Bucky wasn't somewhere in there, that the Winter Soldier had take over him again, that Bucky would just surface to say hello and goodbye before disappearing.

I woke up in the middle of the night, my stomach was growling at me. My head was throbbing and I felt sore all over. Steve was finally asleep, he'd been watching me for hours and Bucky had been standing just outside the door guarding.

I sat up and leaned back against the wall, I was careful not to rattle the chains too much, so Steve wouldn't wake up. With the hut door open you could see the vast bright stars in the blackened sky. It was beautiful and yet peaceful. Though they were only just memories up there, the light had burned out, they were somewhat comforting. Reminding me of my home on the shore of the river, where I could look up through my skylight and see the moon and stars clearly. I missed it, honestly I did. I missed my life, I missed my old friends and I missed my family. Who knew where Braxton and Marie were. Last I heard, they were dead. Killed by a team of men who were attacking a Hydra camp base after hearing the Winter Soldier broke in and injured twenty men. I heard that they died defending the campgrounds but they were overwhelmed with firepower.

"Lark?" I turned my head, snapping out of a stupor. Steve was looking at me. "You okay? Why are you up? You should be asleep."

"I can't." I said to him. resting my arms over my belly.

"You should try." he told me softly.

I just shook my head and looked out the window at the moon and stars. Right now, if this wasn't happening, I'd be looking at the same moon as Bucky. But I wasn't, it wasn't the same moon to him anymore. He'd see it just as a moon, he wouldn't see it as something that we shared.

"Lark, try."

"I can't, okay?" I looked back at Steve. "Every time I manage to fall asleep I can only think of Bucky and Hydra and how screwed up my life is right now."

"Lark-"

"Don't you dare tell me it isn't, because you can obviously see that it is right now." I said, interrupting him. "Look at me, I'm pregnant, hand cuffed to the wall of a hut with the Winter Soldier guarding me for my father who is the head of Hydra, how is that no screwed up to you?"

"I don't take it as screwed up, I take it as someone's mistake. It's just not your mistake." Steve said. "You can blame yourself, you can blame me or Bucky but it's all your fathers fault. Not yours or anyone else. Alexander Treadwatter is a traitor to this world but most of all you. He was your father, but now he's just some bastard with the idea of ruling a world that he can't control. You don't deserve it, neither does your boy or girl deserve it. I'm sorry that it will be born into a world like this."

Since Bucky had visited me months ago with an antidote to the Aether Steve's had my back, he's always been at my side helping me through all of this. We've talked, we've even cried together, surprising enough. When Bucky never came back I gave up on him. I couldn't stand to think about him coming back anymore. I had to move on, get through this life. I knew that he wouldn't come back as Bucky, he'd be changed into the weapon my father created him to be. Steve constantly told me that if all else failed, if I couldn't hold it together anymore, he'd be there, he'd stop me and tell me to pull myself together.