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Relief was an understatement. I doubted I had ever felt like that before; when I opened my eyes and looked up to find Sam's boring into mine, a smile on her lips like she hadn't been dead minutes prior. I couldn't find a feeling strong enough to express what was going through my head. But relief seemed to be the closest one.
Sam's laughter filled my ears as I picked her up. I wouldn't lie and say that having her warm skin against mine didn't feel good, especially when the last time I had picked her up she was as cold as stone. I thought she'd die in my arms. Washing away her blood was something I never wanted to do again. Abby had sent me out of Medbay a second time to clean up, saying Sam would take a while to wake up. I knew what she meant was that I needed a shower. And not only because I was covered in mud and probably smelled like death, but because Sam's blood was dry on my clothes and my skin.
I had hated it, seeing myself in the mirror. Her blood splattered all over me, hitting the counter as I struggled to get it all off after it had dried. I hated it but I was glad I had done it; I didn't want Sam to ask me about it because I knew her. I knew guilt would crowd her brain and I hated that even more than I hated the feeling of ripping my skin off from rubbing it vigorously against the red sponge.
"I didn't think I'd see you again." Her voice was calm and gentle as I put her on the bed, having closed the door with my foot. "But I'm so glad you are alive. I know you weren't ready to die. I was so ready to die, to let go... I was at peace."
"Sam..."
I kneeled in front of her as she remained sat; I didn't want to hear it. I didn't want her to go on and on about how she was okay with her time being cut short because, even if it was selfish, I was not ready to lose her. Something told me I'd never be. I didn't want to either.
"But when I was looking at the sky, waiting for the fire to free me, I thought of you." She stroked my cheek and I closed my eyes, unable not to lean into her touch. "I remembered you not wanting to leave me and I wished you'd remember my blood was not on your hands. Never was, never will. Alright?"
"I know it was your decision," I opened my eyes to meet hers. "But leaving you there wasn't easy. Finn had to push me away because I almost went back to you a couple of times."
