Empire of Ashes

Chapter LXXXII - Family

I was drowsy. So was Tem, although he would not admit it. Midnight had come and gone and we were no closer to sleep than we had been hours ago. My back was pressed against his chest, and his thumb was tracing the line of my hip.

"And to think, we could have been doing that all this time," Tem murmured, his breath tickling my ear. "What a waste."

"Mm," I replied.

He pushed himself up onto an elbow and squeezed my hip. "You disagree?"

Arrogant bastard. He needed his head deflating, I reckoned, so I made a face. "It was ... alright, I suppose."

His fingers danced downwards, skimming along my thigh, and my breath caught in my chest. His answering laughter was nothing short of smug. "You are such a rotten liar, little one."

I slapped his hand away. That didn't deter him for long, of course, and I had to catch his fingers between my own, squeezing tight. His other arm - the broken one - was trapped beneath him, splint and all, so my other hand was free to roam wherever it liked.

"And you are being ... very chirpy," I murmured.

Tem rolled his eyes. "I'm happy, Lyra."

I put a hand to his stomach, enjoying the feel of rock-hard muscle beneath my fingertips. The scar from his first challenge was a raised line - fading to white at long last. He stiffened almost imperceptibly, and I drew my hand away as if I'd been burned.

"Sorry," he said. "I'm not... I remember, that's all."

The question must have shown on my face.

"How it felt." He paused, his mouth twisting into a wry smile. "There's pain, and then there's ... pain."

I knew that well enough. I, too, could remember the feeling of agony ripping through my body, tearing into every muscle and bone until there was nowhere left to hide. I had fallen into the gap between this realm and the next just to escape it.

"It never really leaves you, does it?" I sighed.

"No," he agreed quietly. "I thought I was dying. I was dying, I suppose. And as awful as it sounds, I was fine with it. When you see so much death, when you kill for a living ... you get numb to it. Come to expect it, even."

It surprised me - his honesty, the emotions offered so freely. He was so good at pretending nothing bothered him that I had actually started to believe it.

I squeezed his fingers a little tighter. "Do you still feel that way?"

"No, and that's the worst part. There's nothing like a brush with death to remind you that you're alive. I want to live. I want more time. It makes battle, killing, drawing my sword - all of this - so much harder. And you, little one ... you have not helped."

"I want to live, too," I admitted. And as the words left my mouth, I realised they were true. There were so many things to look forward to - seeing Sami again, exploring Sierra, becoming the best swordswoman in all of Cambria ... and many more sleepy evenings with Temris. "I think it may be your fault."

"Not my fault alone," he said. "You have more than just me. Much more. Anlai, Fendur, Melia, Sami - they're all family now. And one day, maybe, a family of your own making."

His eyes dropped pointedly to my stomach.

I sighed. "You know, this never occurred to me, but gods, our children would be horrible. We shouldn't procreate, I don't think."

"It might be too late for that..." Tem laughed. It had occurred to me, I will admit, but there was no way to get a tonic here, and besides ... we were not getting any younger. Most girls my age had already birthed a few children. I had only escaped that fate because my parents had needed my help on the farm.