Perfectly Fake ✓

07: jingle bells and logs

07

ETHAN WAS SLEEPING in the armchair when I woke up. I winced, sitting up as a dull throbbing erupted in my temples.

What a great way to start Tuesday. No, honestly. Life was a fucking ray of sunshine.

It was snowing outside.

One day. I wanted one day where I felt perfectly fine. Perfectly happy.

"You're up," I jolted, looking to my left. Lucas sat up from the sofa and came forward. He had a perturbed look on his face as he glared at my duvet.

What the fuck is going on? Why is he here? Did I do something wrong? Fuck.

"Um, yeah. School," I finished lamely, trying to rack my brain for what I had missed. "Um, is everything okay?

Again, and I cannot stress this enough, what the fuck was going on?

He let out a humourless laugh before sitting by my feet. I instinctively pulled them closer.

"Do you not remember last night?" Ethan asked quietly, making me look up, startled.

He too came closer and sat on the bed, posture tense. This was even more nerve-wracking than taking the pills Amara-

Oh, shit.

I looked down at the comforter with wide eyes as last night's events came rushing back to me. Did I really just out myself? God, how much of a fuck up can someone be? I needed to take control of this situation before it got out of hand.

And I'm never drinking again. Fuck that.

"Look-" I paused, trying to formulate what I was going to say, "-what I said yesterday...it's not that big of a deal, alright? I fucked up-"

"You? You fucked up?" Lucas asked incredulously before shaking his head. "All these years I've been treating you like shit, Emile. Remember that? Every single time you tried to explain yourself, I'd cut you off! Remember that? How can you sit there and act guilty? Do you really think it's your fault I brought a rapist-" he paused, eyes closing as I flinched as the word before he continued, "-that fucking bitch near you? I don't even know how I'd redeem myself..."

For the first time, I saw his shoulders hunch as he stared at his hands, a murderous expression on his face.

Ethan gave me a small smile before speaking.

"We didn't tell mom and dad but I think you should Emile-"

"Over my dead body," I interrupted hotly, shaking my head. "There is no way I'm telling anyone shit. It's done and over with. I don't want to be dragged into anything, alright? I'm happy with the way things are right now. Please...can we just forget about last night?"

No one spoke, making my heart rate pick up.

"Please, guys. Lucas that's the only way I'll forgive you." I wasn't really mad at him ever but I'll take whatever gets me out of this predicament.

They didn't answer for a few minutes before Ethan shrugged.

"But if I see her, I'm fucking her up."

Lucas looked up at Ethan.

"Not if I do it first."

I rolled my eyes, laughing inwardly. If only they knew that I had managed to get involved in an even more fucked up situation.

"What do you want for breakfast?" Lucas asked, making me blink in shock. He hadn't asked me that in years. In fact, he made sure to make my least favourite food just because.