The Elf Experience (KOTLC X Reader)

He's a Murderer (Fitz)

Sorry for lackin fam. My book came in yesterday but I've been on that fuckin grind. I haven't finished but I'm going as quick as I can.

--

  He's dealing with a lot.

  Don't talk to him.

  He needs time.

  "Hey."

  Shit.

  "Hey.." I murmured.

  I came to check on Fitz. It had been a few weeks since we captured Alvar. No memory of what he did.. it was unreal. We wanted it to be unreal. This didn't get us anywhere. All we had now was a confused scared man who was being blamed for things he didn't know anymore that he did.

  I couldn't just let it slide. Alvar killed people. He was terrible. But.. that wasn't the Alvar we had in custody. I couldn't help but feel bad. And I was, unlike Sophie, not ashamed to be giving pity to our prisoner. He deserved it. Whether the others liked it or not, Alvar was no longer the Alvar we were pursuing.

  I felt like that was enough to justify not hating him. Of course though, Fitz and the rest of the Vacker family didn't agree. Aside from possibly Della and Alden.

  "Are you doing alright?" I asked after a period of silence. I found out from Grizel that Fitz had been coming back to this place to get his anger with Alvar out. My eyes trailed to the throwing stars embedded in the training dummy.

  Fitz pursed his lips, his gorgeous teal eyes following my [EC] hues. He let out a loud sigh. "I think that speaks for itself."

  I never told Fitz my outlook on it. I figured it wouldn't help him feel any better.

  "Its Alvar isn't it?"

  He gave me a certain look. One I wasn't sure how to answer. I chewed my lip and fiddled anxiously with my [HC] hair.

  "Okay.. talk to me. I'll listen to everything." I offered, moving away from him and sitting. It's the best I could do. I wasn't good at comforting people, and how were you supposed to comfort someone about this kind of thing? If theres a book on it, I'd love to read it.

  Fitz rolled his eyes and retrieved the throwing stars, going back to aggravated target practice. "I appreciate the offer [YN], but theres not much to say. I hate Alvar. And I don't believe in the game he's playing with us." He grumbled.

  I bit my tongue. Okay uh.. well..

  "We've done all the memory searches. There's nothing there. And it seems like he's not hiding anything either. His mind is literally a blank slate. No tricks. Nothing." He sighed in exasperation and threw another star.

  "There has to be something! Maybe theres a trigger. Maybe they hid his memories.." I couldn't let him keep conspiring and hurting himself in his pent up rage.

  "Fitz.. please. There is no trigger. There's nothing.. Alvar is gone. The Alvar we've been going after, hes gone. The Alvar you hate, he doesn't exist anymore." I said slowly. As if it would slow down the reaction I would inevitably get.

  He turned to me. The look of betrayal lacing his irises stung me deep. The regret started to plant itself in the pit of my stomach.

  "That doesn't mean shit."

  Ouch.

  "Mentally, Alvar might no longer be there. But that doesn't change what he's done. We can't just let it slide and not hold anybody accountable."

  I couldn't say anything to that. He was right. I'd thought about all of that before. It always ran through my mind. I was not ashamed of it. I was not ashamed of pitying Alvar. But that didn't mean I never felt bad about everything else.

  "Alvar is scared, Fitz. Hes terrified. I'm an Empath. I would know. You don't understand-"

  "Yeah, [YN], I don't understand. I also don't care." He snapped.

  Fitz scared me when he was mad. But not enough for me to ever back down.

  "You should. Because he cares about how you feel. Every time you talk about hating him. Your spite, your rage. I can feel him. It upsets him. Remorse. Confusion. Desire. He wishes he understood. He wants to understand why you hate him. He hates himself too." I tried to keep pushing.

  "WHY SHOULD I CARE. HE'S A FUCKING MURDERER."

  SHHHHHHICK

  We both fell silent.

  I felt blood slip down my cheek.

  Fitz stared at me in horror. His eyes shifted between me and his hands quickly.

  In his overloaded rage, he had thrown the last throwing star at me. His eyes were glossed with tears ready to escape. It had but grazed my cheek and left a gash in my ear. It embedded in the wall behind me.

  I didn't move.

  Neither did he.

  The blood continued to drip, staining my paling [ST] skin.

  "..okay. I see how it is." I said, my voice barely a rasp.

  "[YN] wait-"

  "No. Listen Fitz. I understand. You hate Alvar. I'm not asking you to change your mindset. I'm asking you to at least have some hint of compassion. Yeah. He's a "fucking murderer." But he's also your fucking brother. And he's scared right now. He needs someone to believe him. So excuse me if I'm willing to give him that."

  I stood and turned my back to him, my thumb massaging my home crystal.

  "I didn't know it pissed you off enough that you'd throw whatever you had in your hand at me without thinking." I whispered.

  Fitz reached out and grabbed me before I could lift my crystal to the light.

  He turned me around and at that moment I went numb. I didn't want to stop being upset with him. But.. he was crying. I forced myself not to take back everything I had said.

  "That's it. I wasn't thinking. I'm stupid, inconsiderate, and a total asshole. To the point where I physically hurt someone I love."

  Red flushed in my cheeks, probably from my gash but whatever.

  "You're right. I haven't been thinking about how Alvar is taking any of this. I refuse to stop hating him. He hurt people. Unless he proves to me he's worthy of my feelings again, I won't stop. But.. I'll try. I'll try my best to understand where he's coming from.."

  For me of course. I felt him. Regret. Guilt. But a strong sense of love under it all. He couldn't hide from me.

  "No. I want you to understand Alvar for your own sake. Not for me. Understand him because he's your brother. Understand him because hes scared and lost and wants help. Because he wants to understand you too. I think it would really help you both to start getting along more."

  He reached up and wiped away the blood with his thumb. Putting on a beautiful smile, he leaned forward and kissed my forehead. "I'm sorry for being so difficult..I'll do my best. For me now."

  I smiled. Finally. "Thank you.."