Chasing Zero

Twenty-One

Johnathon placed his pad on his lap and smiled at me. "So, Spencer, how have you been since the last time I saw you?"

"A Three. Sky is officially my boyfriend."

His eyes widened, nothing but pure joy staring back at me. "That's great! How did it happen?"

"We went to the mall where I was meeting his friends for the first time, and he asked to hold my hand, and Tony said we were dating when we weren't official. So I pointed it out to him, and things got awkward, but I said I'd be Sky's partner if he asked, and he did, and I agreed," I quickly explained.

"Well, you are certainly full of energy right now," he chuckled to himself as he wrote in his notebook. "Now, who's Tony?"

"One of Sky's friends who helped him during his dark times. And then there was Amy who did the same thing, and Gray came with us so I wouldn't feel alone."

"Were you afraid your social anxiety was going to work up?"

"Well, yeah. Whenever I'm with a group of people where they all know themselves more than I do, I get anxious and sometimes get hostile because I want them to like me and try too hard. I needed a friend who knew me well and to warn me if I was acting like a jerk."

"Why would you act like a jerk?"

"Self-defense? I told you I didn't have many friends growing up. I was picked on being a loner. It turned into a nasty habit where I'll act like a dick whenever someone teases me and I'm all alone to defend myself. These people meant a lot to Sky, and I didn't want to make any of them feel bad by being rude. It's a...what's the word?"

"Involuntary action?"

"I guess. I feel like there's a stronger word for it. Anyway, there's also the fear of me accidentally coming off as rude because I'm getting all anxious being alone and might snap and say something that can't be taken back, and I didn't want to risk that happening, so Gray needed to come with me." I exhaled. "Thank God he did."

"But you knew Sky. Do you not feel comfortable when you're alone with him?"

"No, I do. I'm great one on one with people, occasionally two on one. It all depends on the people and how well we all know each other. But Sky knew them really well, and they knew him. Sky's still getting to know me and me him. I needed Gray to be there with me, because we know each other more than any of them know us. With him around, I wouldn't grow hostile or feel attacked, and I'd be my charming self with them," I said and flashed a sarcastic smile.

"How did it go?"

"Started off rough. Bad first impression with Tony, because he grew up thinking the LGBT community is bad, but he's learning. He's actually pretty cool. And I wound up kicking Amy's ex's abusive ass, because he wouldn't leave her alone, and he tried to fight me."

Johnathon ran his hand over his face.

"Judge me and write whatever you want, but I don't regret it. He grabbed me and wouldn't let me go. And he even tried to argue that 'no means yes' when we all know it doesn't. I did what women dream of doing to those assholes. And it earned me some brownie points with Amy," I smirked.

"Be careful," was all he stated before asking, "So you're all friends now, correct?"

"I guess so. They're cool people and all, but I didn't connect with them on that level where I would hang out with them unless Sky was around, you know." I leaned back in the couch and snickered. "It's so weird. I used to feel so alone because no one wanted to be my friend. Now I have the chance to make more, and I'm not actively looking for time to spend with them."