Chasing Zero

Twenty-Eight

Heading into school the following day was one of the most nerve inducing moments of my writing career. All throughout my creative writing class, I could have sworn Dakota shot me judgmental stares whenever she had the chance. I knew I left her a drunken voicemail Saturday night, but I did not receive a call, text, or email back from her. I felt as though I had suffered the humiliation of having a one-night stand without realizing it was one.

The idea of her dropping me as a potential author struck fear in me all weekend. I never meant to portray myself as the 'party girl of the sorority' to anyone at that party, and certainly not to Dakota. No one could have hated me more than I hated myself in that moment.

Once class was over, I lingered behind. There were twenty minutes left until she had a meeting with a student, and there was an hour left until I had to leave for my acting class. I didn't have to worry about seeing Sky yet. After the way he explained his deep, thorough love for me and it became quite clear that I did not feel the same way, it instantly grew unbearable to stay in his house. I told him I needed to be alone to fight my hangover and recover. He drove me back to the party to pick up my car (thank God it was not towed), and I headed home to be alone and think and write what Giselle was going through.

"Looking into your eyes, I see this person, right?" Hans said as he cupped her cheek. "And this person is just like everyone else in the world, but to me she is something more. This person is the key to my lock and the lock to my key. She holds such a hefty amount of power over me that I cannot dream of giving myself away to anyone else. When I see this person, I think, 'God, am I lucky or what? How could the world have placed this perfect person in front of me?'

"This person has faults, so many of them. She is far from perfect, but so is everyone else in the world. The only difference for when it comes to this person is that when I hate her I still love her. That's love, isn't it? I'm in love with this person before me."

Giselle stared at Hans, looking straight into his eyes. She tilted her head as she peeled his hand off her cheek and held it in her own. "You get all that just from looking into my eyes?"

Blushing as he flickered his gaze away from hers, settled his eyes back and nodded. "Yes. Your eyes are a gateway into your soul, and it speaks volumes to me. I can't help but fall in love with you. I never want to be with anyone else ever again when I'm with you- Oh, God, I sound like a sociopath."

"Little bit," she whispered.

"Look, Giselle, you have to believe me when I say that I fell hard for you. I didn't think love could pass by so quickly, but these past few months have been amazing, and I-"

"Please do not tell me you are proposing," she demanded, panicking. "We don't know each other well enough to warrant that. I don't even know if the way you love me is warranted after just a few months."

"I know it seems quick, but I swear that my feelings are all true. I'm just a man who fell in love with a woman I can see myself marrying. Not today, but one day. It's a possibility for me, and I needed you to know where I stand," he explained. "I need to know where you stand."

Not with him. Not with Sky. Not with anyone. Looking forward into my future, I could not see myself ever marrying anyone. It was not something I wanted. If I had said it once, I had said it a million times: I only needed the love of my friends and my family. They were the only people I needed in my life. The familial love was the only kind I could ever give away. Even if I wanted to fall in love with someone, I doubted I ever could.

"Thinking about your latest chapter?" Dakota questioned. When I snapped to, I found her sitting on the edge of my desk. She smiled down at me with a gentle smile one would receive from their grandmother. It did not help settle my nerves.