Chasing Zero

Twenty-Seven

Since my therapy session with Johnathon, I'd been experiencing that feeling people get where they feel like they're freefalling as they're trying to fall asleep. All I seemed to do was sink, as though there was an anchor shackled to my ankles, drowning me into the unknown territories at the bottom of the ocean.

I knew I was being overly dramatic, but it finally sunk in that I had to break up with Sky. There was no romantic love for him in my heart. And breaking up could lead to multiple different outcomes. He could tell me no and that we needed to stay together. He could convince me to stay with him, telling me I would grow to love him like he did with me, despite there not being even a sliver of a chance of that happening. He could hate me and never want to see me again.

The outcome I was hoping for was that he would understand how I'd been feeling and wish me a lifetime of happiness like I did him. I'd wish him the best of luck over finding someone who would love him the way he loved me and be able to reciprocate without any issues. And we would grow old together as best friends and remain in one another's life. That was my ideal outcome. And while a small part of me hoped for it, the larger part of me (the smarter, too) knew that wouldn't happen. He was going to be pissed at me, but I had to find a way to make the whole breakup natural and not abrupt like I feared it would be. I wanted the breakup to be as smooth as possible, because there was no such thing as a perfect breakup. Even I knew that.

Did that mean that Sky and I would never be able to be friends again? Did that mean he would be out of my life forever? Was the one trope that some people could remain friends after they broke up real? If they could, was it right away, or did it take time? I didn't think it would take much time for me. Or maybe it would. Maybe it would feel forced and awkward to be around Sky for a while. But would it get better later on? Would we move on at the same rate and be ready to become friends again at the same time? He was such an important person to me, and if I could salvage our friendship, I would do whatever was necessary. But in the end, I would do whatever would make him the happiest, even if that meant he didn't want to be friends anymore.

A rapid tapping against my car window startled me. Glaring at the person, I rolled my eyes when I saw it was Sky standing there, laughing his ass off. So jovial. How could I have been such an asshole to him? I thought I could love him, but I always knew I was more comfortable being on my own. Yet I didn't listen to myself in my pursuit to learn romance for my book. At least he attempted to teach me something. I just flunked the course.

I climbed out of the car, and Sky leaned in to kiss my cheek. "Hey, Poe. Are you feeling alright?"

"Yeah...I'm good." If I said 'fine' like I almost did, he would instantly know something was wrong. 'Fine' did not mean anything good; it was worse than 'horrible.' I just had to fake it until I could find the appropriate time to tell him it was over.

"You sure?" He could see through me. That was bound to happen after spending so much time together. It'd suddenly become easier to see through our facades, especially if we tried to hide pain and deceit from each other.

"Yeah, let's have fun," I stated, leaving no room for discussion as I grabbed his and dragged him into the slightly crowded house. Mia was having a party at her house, and with Sky being one of her best friends, she wanted him to come. And since I was dating him, that meant I had to go as well.

Was this what college parties were like? Was this what high school parties were like? There was so much going on, what with Tony DJing the party and people smoking and drinking. It made me almost certain that someone was doing coke in the bathroom. It was a miracle the police hadn't shown up yet. Or maybe everything was just louder than I was used to. I could hear conversations easily, though not clearly. I was just the type to stay indoors all the time, no matter what was happening in town. A little music wasn't going to kill me. Maybe my eardrums, though.