~ a lily among thorns~

"you need to let this go"

"I can't believe this is happening right now!" Nari cried as tears streamed down her cheeks. "I can't believe they found out!"

The girl sat sobbing in the middle of the physician's room, shivering with fear at the thought of another two Hwarangs knowing her identity. Ah-Ro accompanied her, stroking her back softly.

"Nari, it's going to be alright," Ah-Ro assured warmly. "We have the ability to sort this out."

"How can you be so sure?" Nari fired back, desperation in her tone. "How am I to know they won't inform the palace of who I am?"

Ah-Ro smiled to herself as she thought of the ultimately harmless and immature personalities of Ban-Ryu and Suho.

"You and I know full well that that's something they would never do. You've built relationships with them, haven't you? I highly doubt they're out here to hurt you."

Nari hesitated to reply, trying to decipher her own thoughts and feelings. Finally coming to a conclusion, she lifted her eyes to speak.

"I'm-I'm just scared," she breathed, her voice trembling. "What if the queen finds out? Half a dozen Hwarangs already know my secret and--"

"Don't work yourself up, Nari," Ah-Ro interjected, seeing her friend's clearly fear-stricken state. "Things will be okay."

"Will they?" Nari choked, her eyes filled with doubt at her own satirical words

Ah-Ro nodded in reply, her gesture followed by a moment of silence.

"You know..." Nari finally began, more tears beginning to run down her face. "I think my family is cursed."

Ah-Ro furrowed her eyebrows with dejection, holding onto Nari even tighter.

"Don't say that! Imagine if they heard."

"But it's true!" Nari exclaimed, clenching onto her robe. "Fate has made a mockery of us! It birthed us all into the world only to mercilessly cast us out again."

"Nari..." Ah-Ro started, but she continued to voice her sorrows, unable to let anything intervene.

"The royals must think we're they're little game! Fun to play and easy to throw out," Nari spat, her sadness turning to spite. "First they took Mother...ruthlessly murdered by their hands. Then they nearly made my brother share that same fate and I can no longer visit him. As for my father...well...we may as well admit to ourselves that he's never coming back. If he's not already dead, I've come to accept the fact I won't be seeing him again. I said goodbye to that man a long time ago."

Ah-Ro looked to her friend in horror.

"How could you say that, Nari?" she cried, grief filling her heart. "You know that he loved you with all he had!"

"I know that..."

"Then tell me why you think he isn't searching for at this instant?"

"Because he knows better than that!" Nari suddenly yelled, her words filled with pain as they caught her friend by surprise. "He knows better than to come back to this hellhole! As soon as he shows his face here, they'll take him away from me as well. I don't want to that to happen again. I'm not ready to lose him twice."

Ah-Ro nodded her head understandingly, finally realising Nari's concern.

"Alright, I see what you are feeling right now," she sighed. "But either way, you're a strong one. You'll get through."

"I'm barely doing so now!" Nari cried, her voice cracking with distress.

"What do you mean?"

"I'm talking about this place!" she continued, motioning to the area around her. "I came here to seek out the king but all I've done is messed around, revealing my identity to several people...I'm truly a disappointment to my family."

"Nari--"

"The king took everything away from me, even though I did nothing...NOTHING to deserve it. I'm never going to let that go until I face him. Only then can I fulfill my life's purpose and break my family's curse."

"And by facing him, you mean killing him?" Ah-Ro inquired.

Nari stared at her, knowingly confirming her question.

"Nari! You're obsession with finding the king will end up as nothing but your downfall!" Ah-Ro advised sternly, seeing the unpredictable determination in her eyes. "You need to let this go."

"No...I can't"

"Listen to me Nari--"

"No! You listen to me!" she suddenly burst, causing Ah-Ro to flinch with surprise.

Nari looked her straight in the eyes, releasing a frightful and dark aura.

"I will never...ever...stop. Not until I find an answer as to why he did this," she growled, bitterness filling her heart.

Ah-Ro knew the heaviness of the situation, as Nari was never found being this angry or upset. However, she knew the hate-fuelled quest would lead to a dead end, an outcome she didn't want for her beloved companion.

"I'm your friend, Nari," Ah-Ro said quietly, trying to cool her down. "I'm telling you this from the bottom of my heart: you're going to get yourself killed if you continue down this path."

Another moment of silence filled the room.

"You know, out of everyone Ah-Ro, I thought you'd be the most understanding," Nari murmured, feeling down from the lack of support.

Ah-Ro looked to her quizzically, asking her to explain.

"Think of what happened to your brother," she continued. "And your Mother."

"I'm well aware of what happened to them, and I'm sure justice for them will come," Ah-Ro stated. "But that's not for me to carry out. We simply do not have the power."

"Maybe you do not," replied Nari. "But I trained day and night to get into Hwarang. Now that I've gotten here, nothing seems impossible."

"Nari, killing the king will not give you back your family." Ah-Ro forewarned.

Tears overwhelmed Nari's eyes once again as she thought of the mother and son she'd seen in town that morning, their antics matching that of her own loved ones. Ah-Ro's sentence had hit her heart hard, all hopes of her family coming back disappearing. She knew that none of it was possible; however that was what fired up her detestation for the king even more.

"Life is unfair," she sobbed, placing her head in her hands.

Ah-Ro sighed, not knowing how else to console her friend. Her busy schedule was pulling on her gown, causing her to stand up and head to the front door.

"Look...I have to go take care of some business," she informed, turning her head back to the centre of the room. "But stay in here until you calm down, alright?"

Nari didn't answer as Ah-Ro walked out. Her thoughts and feelings were flooding over her whole body, making her unable to carry out clear actions or decisions. All she could think of was Poong-yeon as she eyed the walls around her; at the place he used to stay. Stopping to the area before her, she eyed the many drawers that sat against the wall, holding large amounts of herbs and medicines. Immediately reminded of her mother, she opened each one, even finding the herb that had smelt just like her. Finally coming to the last drawer, Nari opened it quickly, being surprised by large clanging sounds that medicines certainly did not make. She looked at the contents to find ceramic bottles stacked loosely beside one another. Picking one up to inspect it, Nari sniffed the familiar scent of alcohol. So, overcome by sorrowful memories and thoughts, she popped off its top, only to nonchalantly skull the liquid inside.